Today…
~~~ Hannie & Brian For reasons unknown, my mind is consumed with thoughts of my parents.. missing them to the max. Would prefer to just go home and sleep till these feelings subside. Instead I am stuck here at work with a fake smile and heavy heart. Be the first to like. Like Unlike Share This:
Not a “Goodbye” a “See you soon”..
This is the not your standard absentee post where I apologise for being absent, where I say how I will do better, where I explain how hectic my life is.. Instead, I am going to tell you straight how it is. The truth is that …My boss only gives me 20 min a day to go potty and eat before forcing me back at the coalmines! Ok, that’s not entirely true I don’t work with coal.. My reality is this —> I am swamped mentally and physically! Between family squabbles, the resident gambling addict, hairyknuckle, packing, unpacking, watching my waistline, work, the stress of work, the stress of home, the kids, court, finances, work, clients, politics, and my inbox. I am finding almost zero time to do the things I need to do let alone the things I...
Aces High – Jokers on who?
We all take a gamble in many different ways on an almost daily basis. Whether it is when we use the milk that has only ‘just’ expired or when we push our luck with others, gambling with our longevity… Lots of people go every week and buy Lotto tickets with the hopes that this week will be the big one even though the odds are that they are more likely to be struck by lightning (possibly twice) than actually winning. These are all semi harmless forms of gambling that are generally not too damaging for the person involved and can be said creates excitement which in moderation can be good for a persons psyche. But there is the Ugly side to Gambling that have people forsaking everything (even selling their homes) just for that adrenaline rush that...
The speed with which it happens…
Walked in the office yesterday and SexyG looks at me with kind eyes and says “We need to talk..” I froze, he just uttered the four words we all dread.. the words that are almost always followed with bad news. I looked up at him and blinked, almost as if I believed that if I stared at him long enough with a dumb look on my face he will not continue to talk.. not continue to tell me something that I KNOW I don’t want to hear.. “Let’s go upstairs and make some coffee and chat ” he says and walks out the office. I didn’t follow him, I sat down at my desk and stared at my monitor refusing to acknowledge his request for privacy and thereby refusing to speak about the obviously unpleasant things.. After a few minutes I stood up...
Wakefullness…
I woke up this morning at 5 again with a mind full of thoughts and no way to switch it off so that I can get sleep as warm and cuddly as the rest of the house.. Amongst the thoughts rambling through my over busy brain were memories and moments and for the most part I enjoy remembering moments in my life as my life has been exciting and fun and interesting .. But there has also been trauma and sadness and devastation.. And I went about calibrating and analysing these moments as only a person who overthinks everything will truly appreciate, I tried to organise my emotions and unfortunately wasnt able to do as well as I wouldve liked. The truly traumatic emotions kept crippling me. Even now, years later I cannot think of my mom without experiencing a quiver in my...
Tracking..
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