Hiding in the rain..
~~~ It is like the weatherman thought he would match my mood and feelings to enable me to hide in plain sight easier. I appreciate it. And I am not feeling very thankful at the moment. I couldn’t figure out why I am was feeling so lost, so sad, so alone.. until this morning. When the realisation hit me.. I felt physically ill and then cried… TBH There is nothing anyone can do to make me feel better, so feel free to stare in awkward silence, it is all the same to me. The loss is not getting easier.. time is not healing my wounds. I am still bleeding under the surface, crying out for what I can never again have. Tomorrow it will be four years and yet it feels like yesterday right now. I miss my Mom.. more than I thought I would. And by saying that you...
TMJ <– not a rapper..
Dentist said NO! to the GumGuard.. Well, first he said Yes.. then he said No <– after we tried to click my jaw closed. Can you say AWKWARD!? Instead he gave me a referral to a Maxillio face dude.. and said I need a Jaw-scan and help. So apparently the Maxillio dude will give me the Jaw-scan but for the other I need a shrink. So after I flipped him the bird for being a total and complete dickhead (laughed at me before assisting in the jaw closure) I took his referral slippy and that is where I am now. I am sitting here at my desk in tremendous pain that his aneasthetic did not cover during the molar repair. Next time I am asking for extra drugs to cover the TMJ pain. TMJ is a fucked up bullshit story condition that develops in neurotic bitches like myself...
Thinking of having another one..
I know… I know .. I know… I swore I would never have another one after the agony I experienced with the first one but lately I have been thinking about having another one.. What am I talking about?? A tattoo.. I want another tattoo. Its not as frowned upon as it was a few years ago <– so less flack from the peanut gallery AND I would really like something tribal and elaborate on my back (to match the other one, of course) Still remembering the pain though.. so for now I will just doodle some drawings and think some more. Be the first to like. Like Unlike Share...
The speed with which it happens…
Walked in the office yesterday and SexyG looks at me with kind eyes and says “We need to talk..” I froze, he just uttered the four words we all dread.. the words that are almost always followed with bad news. I looked up at him and blinked, almost as if I believed that if I stared at him long enough with a dumb look on my face he will not continue to talk.. not continue to tell me something that I KNOW I don’t want to hear.. “Let’s go upstairs and make some coffee and chat ” he says and walks out the office. I didn’t follow him, I sat down at my desk and stared at my monitor refusing to acknowledge his request for privacy and thereby refusing to speak about the obviously unpleasant things.. After a few minutes I stood up...
Time is a slow healer..
So yesterday was the day to celebrate mothers.. And for those of us who are mothers we were blessed with cuddles and loves from our offspring with promises of “the best behaviour ever!” from them. And for those of us who have their moms still around it was a day of saying thank you for being the best mom and show just how much we appreciate everything that they do and have done.. But there are those of us out there that shed more than just one tear yesterday. There are those of us out there who were reminded of what is lost. And no matter how much time passes, the pain never ceases to surprise us in its intensity.We put on our brave faces so that the kiddies don’t see our burden of loss and pain. We find ourselves remembering all the Mothers...
Tracking..
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