Hiding in the rain..
~~~ It is like the weatherman thought he would match my mood and feelings to enable me to hide in plain sight easier. I appreciate it. And I am not feeling very thankful at the moment. I couldn’t figure out why I am was feeling so lost, so sad, so alone.. until this morning. When the realisation hit me.. I felt physically ill and then cried… TBH There is nothing anyone can do to make me feel better, so feel free to stare in awkward silence, it is all the same to me. The loss is not getting easier.. time is not healing my wounds. I am still bleeding under the surface, crying out for what I can never again have. Tomorrow it will be four years and yet it feels like yesterday right now. I miss my Mom.. more than I thought I would. And by saying that you...
2 years later..
Today I woke up a little bit slower, a little bit sadder, and with a little less purpose.. But I did get up and start my day, I did not cower. Its been 2 years since we last spoke, 2 years since my heart broke.. The pain, the anguish I felt at your passing, The hurt, the loss, the tears… seemingly everlasting, are there still, ever present today as I remember, that two years ago you left me..broken.. with your departure.. Without your warmth, your love, and your voice, I feel lost and angry and want to scream at the world.. “This was not my wish, this was never my choice!” yet I am forced to get up each and very morning, Put a smile on my face and pretend that everything is alright.. So today, like yesterday and the day before, I get by..I get...
And her heart would skip a beat..
At the very thought of Tom Selleck my mom would visibly swoon and shout at all of us to keep quiet because her boyfriend was coming on the telly! Aint he Just GAWJISS!!! Even my Dad understood he was out moustached by ol Magnum PI. He would just chuckle and watch my mom get excited everytime TomSelleck smiled for the camera’s and how she would gasp when he got tackled by the bad guys.. My mom LOVED Tom Selleck and I think if she had been given the opportunity to meet him in real life she would’ve happily left us all behind and run off with him (<–read kidnap him). So here is an image you can print and iron on a T-shirt and have your own HeartThrob Memorabilia of the Original StudMeister!! HeartThrob To go… Happy Birthday Mom, I love...
So what?
My cellphone rings.. and I look and its a private number. I debate whether to answer it as I don’t normally answer private numbers because only rude people knock on my door and refuse to announce who they are.. Its business hours however and answer it I did. I wish I hadn’t though. It starts out friendly enough with the caller on the other end introducing herself as someone or other from attorneys in bloemfontein? I couldn’t hear her too well at first because it wasn’t such a clear line.. She asked me where my mom is. I told her that unfortunately my mom passed away almost two years ago. She then went on to tell me that my mom is in arrears with her TV License. I tried to explain to her that I had contacted SABC at the time that she had...
Time is a slow healer..
So yesterday was the day to celebrate mothers.. And for those of us who are mothers we were blessed with cuddles and loves from our offspring with promises of “the best behaviour ever!” from them. And for those of us who have their moms still around it was a day of saying thank you for being the best mom and show just how much we appreciate everything that they do and have done.. But there are those of us out there that shed more than just one tear yesterday. There are those of us out there who were reminded of what is lost. And no matter how much time passes, the pain never ceases to surprise us in its intensity.We put on our brave faces so that the kiddies don’t see our burden of loss and pain. We find ourselves remembering all the Mothers...
Tracking..
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