A while ago I decided to forgive people and things from my past.
This has enabled me to be open to new and exciting aspects of my life. Which has been FABULOUS!
I am in a really great place right now. Happy at home, work and life. Not to mention being elevated to Granny as of Saturday..( or Meemaw as I am to be referred to as) 😉
It has taken me a long and very hard time to get to this point. This point where I can sit and just laugh about the madness, put away the sadness and embrace the goodness.
It has not been easy, it still isn’t. But the rewards are HUGE. I am loving life.
BUT it feels like the universe keeps testing me to see how much it will take for me to fly into a rage and pull out the weapons to fight back. Thank goodness that I am wily to these ploys or this would be a different blog post altogether.
I sit here, quietly forcing myself to not pick up my phone. To put away the anger. Keep the bad thoughts away.
All I really want to do is call this asshat and ask him WTF he thinks he is talking shit about me to people? Then phone his wife and ask her if she knows that her husband sends dickpics to other women?
But I wont. I know he is talking shit about me to cover himself, I know this is done in the hopes that I will be discredited and wont be told of what he has done, shown and said. I know that this is not actually about me, I know that the real tragedy is that he is unfaithful to his wife and family.
I know all this
But my mind keeps screaming “WHO THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS talking shit about me?” ..
First of all:
When you are thinking about sending a Dick Pic — JUST DON’T!
When next you feel the urge to discuss me in any way, form or colour, I strongly suggest you sit the fuck down and let that feeling pass before you hurt yourself.
But who is he? No one actually. He doesn’t even know me, he may think he knows about me. But if I have said two words to him before, it is a lot.
The world is small, and he wanted to flash his little wingwam around, and he felt safe doing this. Until that moment when he discovered that I am a mutual acquaintance. Then he panicked. He is a dirty douchebag who got caught. Sis.
First I laughed at the obvious cover up from his part, then I stopped and got angry. Really really angry.
Not acting on my anger back then was a really tough one, I had to keep reminding myself that that is not who I am anymore after all. So promptly kicked it under the carpet and have been going about my business as normal.
What I did not realise at the time is that I have some unresolved shit happening. Brewing just under the surface, ready to pop out and strangle at the first chance it gets.
It was very surprising how quickly it all came back. As last night walking into the shop, I spotted him walking out and my whole body assumed kill mode. It was quite intense. Scared myself a little there.
He saw me and I noticed a myriad of emotions on his face as he RAN past us! I vaguely recall saying to SexyG next to me “What a DICK!” but when I turned around he was gone. Poof!
So ja, I am not over it.
Instead, I am sitting here, avoiding my phone in fear of what I may do, while trying to formulate a way forward that enhances my calm and wont result in me attempting to strangle him the next time I see him.
Shame on you, Asshat!
If you want to send dickpics to people, be unfaithful to your wife and damage your home.. leave me out of it. It is none of my business.
But talk shit about me? I do not understand? Just who the fuck do you think you are? Just who indeed??!
Perhaps I will still phone your wife. Perhaps I wont do that. Perhaps I may kick your ass, perhaps I wont.
But a HUGE FUCK YOU for making me angry and bringing me to this point where all my inner peace is in turmoil and I am left to struggle demons of past.
Fuck you indeed.