You know when you have something HUGE on your mind,
you have so many words floating about, some indiscernible, but for the most coherent thought; all focused around a particular subject.
You have even discussed it with yourself and come up with some solid advice, but when it comes to real life, and people ask you how you are,what is on your mind; then nothing comes out, words fail you and all you can do is sit there and say “I’m fine”.
I am actually not fine, that is not how I feel right now. I feel anger, grief, confusion, vulnerable, sad and human
Sadness clutches my heart as I feel the tragic and sudden loss of a truly amazing friend, vulnerability sits on my shoulders as I realise how suddenly things can change.
However, Life around me continuous at the usual pace and I keep looking on and saying in my head.. “Why are you not stopping? How can everything just keep going, don’t you know what happened? Where is the pause button?”
I am not ready. SHE was not ready, WE are all just not ready…
Truth be told, we are completely unprepared for the loss.
Cat, my beautiful friend.. We will all miss you tremendously, I will miss you even more..
I cannot even imagine the loss your daughters are experiencing — *gasp* they will feel the loss every single day. 🙁
Your little pumpkins, my heart breaks for them. Nothing can ease their loss. Their loss is larger than life, but I will make sure they hear all about your craziness, I will remind them of your infectious laugh and I will tell them all about how your love for them had no end.
Rest in Peace my love, sending you all the leghumps of the universe.