Shakers gonna shake shake shake…


Good Morning!!

So glad to have survived yet another Monday, and I did it without wine or chocolate!! <– insane madskills!!

The thing about wine is that as much as I love a glass of red, it puts me on my plonker. I can drink copious amounts of these girly mixers and throw in a few shooters and be perfectly fine. Give me two glasses of wine and I will be slurring and wobbling everywhere.

This last weekend I was very happy at my decision not to drink wine or I would have been abducted by a midget and I don’t think she wanted me to help her reach the top shelf.. #ifyouknowwhatImean .

Why is it that the things in life that I love are detrimental for my health?? Bread, cheese, chocolate, wine.. if they are not trying to clog my arteries and stop my heart or putting me in potentially awkward situations with midgets…then they are making me fat.


I fear for my safety as my vices are many but the resolve is low.. I shall have to continue testing the affects of wine and chocolate on my body and abilities, you know, for science.

This may result in me being a fat drunken mess, possibly even a sex slave to a midget, but I need more data so that scientists can find solutions to our problems. I am doing this for the good of womenkind everywhere. Let the GAMES BEGIN!!

*bottoms up bitches*