Drugs, yes Pls!

~~~

You know there are times in life when you just want to crush your feelings until they are almost non existent..

You want to feel nothing.. You want to just be able to get on with the shit at hand and even have thoughts about how lucky Cybermen really are.

What you want is just to throw all your cares out the window..stomp on the roof of your car and yell out for the whole world just to just fuck off.

I feel like this at least 96% of the time. I am quite an emotional creature who feels it all. I carry pain, I laugh wildly and cry with many.. My anxiety makes it tougher. I expect the worst, my position is one of constant expectation, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Life has been a cruel bitch to me,
I am constantly being taught a lesson in humility.

My heart is carefully caged in my chest, bolted back by years of scars and hanging by a teeny tiny thread of hope that one day it can come out and play without fear of being abused.

Until then I keep it securely tucked away and only let very special people see it when it is safe. And if you listen closely, press your head against my chest,  you will hear it repeat in quiet rhythm..”trust noone, trust noone..” over and over again.

But even then, even when I am keeping my feelings under wraps, even when I mind my own business, even when I go about my day as effectively as possible there will be something or someone to try hurt me. Something that will penetrate my wall of preservation, trying to bring me down and drag me to my knees, an event that will have me thinking the unthinkable. Yes.

Those are dark days.

But thankfully there is a glimmer of hope for me, there is the Happy Pill, the little chemical smile enhancer which numbs the pain, allows my thoughts to process carefully and the stress of the moment to decrease to an acceptable level.

fuckitall

It takes me from … OHMYFUCK to FUCKITALL in no time.

In fact, it has saved my life on more occasions than I can recall.

If you have not been there, done that or have your own t shirt.. It may be difficult to understand what I mean.
However this song always reminds me of how things are in that moment of transition between light and dark.

(Youtube Link)

Have a happy day . I know I am 🙂 …now.

xoxo

brigetsignew