Making amends…

I have recently been in contact with some old school friends via facebook and was horrified to discover that I was less than sweet and nice at school.

This is never the memory a person has of themselves and almost always comes as a shock!

In my case, I don’t remember being mean as such.. What I remember is being bully and retaliating to other people’s meanness.

But that is was my perspective and that perspective is clouded by many years of life and lack of interest to remember.

So I have spent some time the last few days  trying to recall moments in life that I have suppressed for a very long time. School was never fun for me as I was teased for being the “Engelsman” and then there was the stuttering, oh boy , the stuttering.

I don’t remember many happy moments at school actually. And now I am forcing myself to go through what might have been much unhappiness for someone else brought about by me.

Yes, as I rummaged around at the forgotten moments of yesteryear, I have to admit there were moments of stupid, childish behaviour, of which I am not proud..

So this is me saying I am sorry:

• I am sorry for pushing you in the pool
• I am sorry for teasing you about your green hair
• I am sorry for throwing you down the stairs for stealing my stationary
• I am sorry for hiding my smokes in your desk
• I am sorry that I came across as a bitch

I am actually really really sorry for all of that and more..

• It wasn’t your fault that I was damaged by years of teasing and taunting by others..
• It wasn’t about you, it was about me lashing out at everyone at school for making my life a miserable affair…
• It was about the teacher’s taking their untold anger out on my because they had taught my brothers and weren’t going to take any more kak from my family..
• It was about my Dad leaving us..

It was actually  about ME..

So from the bottom of my heart, If I had done anything to you in the past that really hurt you and made you feel less than is desirable..

…Fok, Ek is jammer!

I hope we can all put this behind us and share a laugh and a giggle over the stupid things we did as kids and not allow this to continue to mar our lives. I would really like that..