16 days…

Yesterday marked the start of 16 days of activism against abuse..

Abuse comes in many forms, but regardless of what form it takes it is ALWAYS inexcusable.


I am going to share something with you.. an excerpt from one of the most painful days of my life but turned out to be one of the best days of my life…


The day that changed it all..

I can’t breathe, I feel like such a fool! How could I have been THAT blind! Look at him, walking around the garden all proud of himself now. I can see the smile of satisfaction on his face even through all the tears. WHY is he smiling!?


I knew something was wrong the last few days, but I would never have guessed in my wildest dreams that he felt the way he has just expressed to me. Am I really all the things he has said, or does he despise me as much as he says he does and wanting to extract as much cruel pleasure out of this moment as he possibly can?


I am blocking my ears now with my hands and I think I am asking him to stop but I can’t be sure with  the sound of my heart beating so loudly in my ears.


All I know is that I need to calm down, I need to compose myself, I cannot let my kids see me upset, not to mention Barbs, she  has come all the way from JHB to visit me for a few days to get away.


OMGOSH!   She is going to be coming outside just now and will see me lying on the grass sobbing like a maniac with Jim standing beside me ticking off all the things he hates about me, as if reading from a list.


I just cannot allow people to see what a sad, pathetic mess I am. I would hate for them to know just how weak I have become, how I have allowed him to treat me. If everyone knew, then they will look at me differently, they will pity me.


I stand up, walk over to the outside tap, the one that we use to fill up the dogs water bucket. I looked inside the bucket while I washed my face, wondering how I got there. Confused for a moment.


Oh yes, now I remember.

I made the mistake of asking what the matter was, I made the mistake of asking why he hasn’t as much as looked at me or spoken to me in days. I made the mistake of insisting on an answer…