Here & Now…

There I was yesterday minding my own business making a cup of coffee and then I saw it! The bastardly image that ruined the rest of my day…

As plain as a roti in a curry den, there it was!! On the Digital Frame, laughing back at me was the image of a woman who bears a strong resemblance to me only prettier, younger and thinner. Yes, It was me.. Needless to say my heart sank with overwhelming feeling that I have let myself down.

I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking of solutions to my dillenma of self loathing and trying desperately to kill the jealousy I feel towards my younger self..*sigh*

I went back later in the afternoon and looked at the photo again and tried to remember how I felt that day and I discovered something very important. I was unhappy that day, felt I was too fat and completely awkward with my hair and generally felt insecure with my appearance!?! <– why would I have felt that way?

Upon further reflection I realised that there are very few moments in my life that I have felt confident of my appearance and have always felt “too tall” or “too fat” and there was even a time when I felt “too skinny”.

Why have I never appreciated the way I am and enjoyed the moment in which I exist in search for a moment that could be better? Surely I should see that the moment in which I am is about to pass therefore should learn to enjoy it more? What the Heck is wrong with me anyway?? Perhaps BEFORE I try to remedy the way I look now I should learn to love the current me first and be less critical of my physical appearance?!?

I should learn to forgive myself for not being perfect and love the whole of me. I have put my body through its paces these past 30 odd years with children and hard work.. I should stop being so unkind to myself, I should love me..

Yes, I will endeavor to improve my outer appearance and work on my overall physical well being by doing either Gym??(Do I still have membership?) or Nazi Diet??(please God not again) or some or other shake/magic potion? (Do they actually work?) or a combination of them.

But whatever I decide, doesn’t matter..As long as I learn to Love the Me I am NOW First..