Hitting a wall..

You know that moment when you realise that no matter how hard you try to encourage understanding and reasonable behaviour it is just never going to happen?!?

*sigh* He is a walking cliche, that record got stuck.. and he will always live for that song , playing over and over again in his head. He will never see the wood for the trees and yes, he will cut off his own nose just to spite his own face..

It feels almost like he will never except that I left him? As I sit here I can hear his words echo in my head…

” Who are you to leave me??!?  You are ugly, fat and nothing without me!”

Very upsetting stuff.. How did I ever get invovled with him? Was I really that stupid? How did I last as long as I did anyway? I was sooooo blind to sooo much and when the blinkers came off and I walked away— he got nastier..

And here we are almost 5 years after the fact and he still wont let me be.. *sigh* I cannot approach anything with him with regards to the kids without having to endure a ten page email from him about how wonderful he is and how worthless I am. It is just too much. The fact is we do have children together and I need him to be reasonable not for me.. but for the boys.

Wrong, there is just something wrong with him.. His smile is not true and his word cannot be trusted.

You know there is something wrong with a person when his children can’t even ask him to sponsor their swim events without them being told that they should ask me because “Thats what I pay your mother Maintenance for” being the standard response..

He stalks me online, runs credit checks on me, grills the kids for any bit of information  he can on me and talks crap about me to anyone who has the misfortune to be in his company..

I would love to say that his behaviour does not effect me, that I am worldly woman who has all her shit together and stronger than that, and all that other crap that being a single mom is supposed to entail.. but I can’t. It does upset me, A LOT!    And this is problematic.

This cannot carry on and I am aware of this now. I need to take steps to stop him from interfering in my life, if I am ever to gain momentum. If that means spending the next week at the magistrates court putting a restraining order on him.. then so be it.

Problem is that I currently have bad thoughts regarding problem solving that are best not said out loud, so I am going to go have another cup of tea now and try and put those thoughts to the back of mind until I can think more clearly.

I am tired.. and irritated.. and only have one wish..

.. that he would FOAD.