If you can see a player thingy below.. It works.. If you dont.. then I give up cos its friday and I dont want to fight with it anymore!!!
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Stay Fabulous and keep it porno!
..that I was OK. That I was doing alright. That I had survived life and all it threw at me with ease. I used to think that not only have I dealt well with my lemons but that I should share my recipe for lemonade..
But this morning as I stood in the kitchen, looking at my kids, with the realisation of how close I had come to completely losing control it was evident that I am not OK.
Not.Even.Close.
… and for the sake of me and everyone around me. I think I need to deal with this. Now.
One of my Ubermost pethates is shop assistants who will insist on smalltalk when all you really want is bread/milk/potatoes/porn dvd’s…
Scene 1
I hand the fruit/veg guy my tomatoes to weigh at the pnp…
Fruit/Veg guy: “Hello there!”
I am looking at the other shelves and not listening to him..
Fruit/Veg guy holding my tomatoes ransom : “HELLO!”
awkward pause where I turn to look why the fuck my tomatoes still haven’t been weighed only to see the idiot is fully expecting me to converse with him..
Me: ” You planning to weigh that or not?”
Fruit/Veg guy: “Hello, How are you?”
Now I am irritated. He has officially got my attention and he is going to wish he hadn’t.
Me: ” Are you special or something? Do I look like I want to spend the next five minutes conversing with you on a level so far below me that I have to switch my brain off so that you may have some chance of understanding? Weigh the fucken tomatoes before I call your manager and he can retrain you as you obviously lost the ability to do your job..”
Fruit/Veg guy weighs my tomatoes and I leave..
But he is special because tomorrow I know we gonna do this again, as we have done for the past few months…
Scene 2
Walk into the local corner cafe for bread.
Weird Hairy Guy standing in the doorway minus a shirt “Hello there Ma’am”
I keep walking cos I would hate for him to think I am his friend and we gonna share a beer in the shop doorway or something.. I need only bread afterall.. not friends.
I place the bread on the counter and have to wait for him to nip his stompie and come take my cash so that I can go and finish preparing lunch at home.. He takes his time, ogling me out all the time all the while I am getting more and more uncomfortable with this ugly hairy sloth that is ambling closer and will probably try squeezing past me, even if I stand at the back of the shop, to get his fat arse behind the till.
Weird Hairy Guy: ” You want anything else? Some Milk Perhaps or a nice chocolate?” He smiles and I throw up in my mouth.
Me: “No, I’m fine, just the bread thanks”
Weird Hairy Guy: “You sure?” Holding my money in his paw refusing to ring it off.
Me: ” Very sure”
Weird Hairy Guy: “Ok, but I know you will be back. You ladies love your chocolates!”
And with that he winks at me.. Fuck!
I grab my change and leave vowing not to go back.. But I say that everytime and then I forget and I get confronted by the hairy shirtless fat stupid dude.
I hate being forced to converse when all I want is prompt efficient service. Keep the small talk for people who initiate or those who go to the shops looking for friends.. I am not one of those. Recognise.
Rant over, for now 
Being awake at 2am sucks bad enough but being awake at 2am on your own and the rest of the house is sleeping and you are not wanting to make a noise or switch on lights…
But it does give me time to think, and think and think..and this morning I was thinking that I should rethink some of my previous thoughts and this led me to some insightful moments until I sat there all thunked out.
Whatever, as you can see I am operating on really low levels today and will not be driving or cooking and need to be taken to go potty in case I go take a whizz on the kitchen chair instead of the toilet…
As soon as I garner some brain power I am going to have some serious words with my internal clock that insists on pissing me off and leaving me stranded in the dark on my own almost every morning…
For Shizzle My Nizzle..
I am laaiking this day today.. Have some things to share and new stuff I want to introduce to you but will do little bits later on when I am not as distracted busy.. In the meantime here is a tickler for your fancy…
.. is always the first indication that the sleep was troubled and you heart just wants to explode in pain and the only way your body knows how to compensate for the pressure build up is by making your eyes leak..
And the indicators were right… I had one of THE most awful dreams that as a mother I hope never ever – ever – ever – ever – ever comes true..because it is clear to me now more than ever that this is something I simply will not survive.
As many people may know, I am slightly overprotective of my boys.. and after last night.. I may just turn it up a few notches..
“I am very sorry my pumpkins.. Mommy is going to drown you with love and smother you with kisses. One day you will understand….”
*sigh* – just writing this has brought fresh tears to my eyes in memory of the pain I felt last night.
.. after a few glasses of wine, you can be assured of some amorousness (<–it is a word) followed closely by a newly discovered talent for karaoke singing and an obvious lack of my inside voice smattered with paranoia and conspiracy theories.
Or is this just me..
Anyway..lets not lose focus here people. We not here to judge my fragrant drinking behaviour, which is not often allowed in polite company even though I do let go from time to time
Speaking of Regretful Behaviours and Giant Mistakes, Has anyone seen the new Parlotones Wine called Giant Mistake ?!?!?! Interesting name for an interesting bunch Although I think the name has more to do with their song then their behaviour or inappropriate gas release or incorrectly harvested grapes..
The Parlotones are giving away a private dinner for joburgers and capetonians (capital letters were removed on purpose) and not for DURBANITES! Not sure why we weren’t included in this but they are welcome to come join me for a bunny of they are in the area… Everyone knows how damn naaaise we are here in dirtbin..
In the meantime I am going to keep my peelers open for a bottle of their freshly squeezed grapes in order to tap into my creativity around the braai armed with karaoke mic and balls of steel
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