11 years…
11 years of cleaning house, wiping noses,cooking, ironing, shopping, budgeting, doing your work projects and assignments..
11 years of bowing down to you and putting you and everyone else before me. Having to work after hours delivering pizza’s and waiting tables to put myself through school because I wasn’t allowed to let it interfere with raising the children..
11 years of having to be fearful that I have yet again done something wrong.Waking up in the middle of the night lying on the floor because you physically kicked me out of bed because of something that I said 6 weeks before…
11 years of having to be the “good wife” in front of everyone and ensuring that no-one knew the REAL you. Because appearances mean more to you than reality..
11 years of emotional and physical abuse only to find out 9 years later in the garden by you that it was because you actually didn’t like me.. In fact you despised me,thought I was too ugly and too loud and fat and opinionated. but refused to let me go because that isn’t the way things were supposed to be…
11 years of protecting you when you did the things that other people get arrested for. Having to hide the evidence because you were so sure no one will ever catch you.
I watched you go out and buy new car after new car for yourself while I had to make do with the old “skadonk” as you called it, I sat back and allowed you to sell our home in order to buy the cool things that YOU wanted. I dare not say a word because it was none of my business..
I gave up my internet cafe because you said that it was getting in the way and we needed to work things out. Stupid Me, I tried everything that I thought I was supposed to do and more..
And when I left you, you got mad. No one DARE leave you! How dare I leave you! You then came to me and told me how you have had to beat the women off you when you went on business trips… and here I am this ugly frumpy loud woman and I am rejecting you! HOW.DARE.I!? Yes, how dare I…
Truth be told, I should’ve left you in the first year of our marriage, the first time you put your hands around my neck and told me to keep quiet because I was making you angry. I should’ve left you back when you made me walk the 10 km’s home from the shopping centre in the rain carrying our 6 month old in my arms because you didn’t like the way I shopped for groceries. I should’ve left you after the first few times in bed when I discovered that your real nickname was “the fastest gun in the west” and not “Jammo” as you took to calling yourself a few years ago.. Honestly, I should’ve left you a long long time ago.
Not for any other reason but that everyone in this world deserves to be loved. At the very least liked for who they are and not who they should be..
But I have to ask, after everything I have done for you in the 11 years we were together, WHY cant you just leave me alone? Why do you insist on doing everything in your power to hurt me? Why do you insist on being such an asshole? Have I not done enough for you? Have I not given you enough of my blood to last a lifetime? Have I not given you chance after chance to change and be a better person? Why must your goal in life be to try and destroy me? Do you not realise that by trying to hurt me you are directly hurting your kids? Or do you not care?
I have moved on from that part of my life, smarter, happier, more in control, feeling fantastic! Because I know now what I don’t want in my life, and you most certainly encompass everything that I don’t want.
These last four years of my life have been wonderful! Learning more about me and embracing the obvious awesomeness that I am. I am happier in ways you and your small mind will never understand. I am the richest girl in the world even if I don’t drive the best car, wear the best clothes or eat at the fanciest restaurants. I wake up each morning counting my blessings and being grateful for the wonderful people in my life.
And if you don’t leave me alone from now on and continue to try everything in your power to undermine me, you may not like the outcome of that action. Enough is enough and I am not going to wait another 11 years before I take action against you.
Move on, and get over yourself. You are not as wonderful (not even close) as you would like to believe.
P.S. I would stop bragging about being the “fastest gun in the west”. Its not something to be proud about, actually.
Like15 Comments
Submit a Comment
Tracking..
no words just a ((hug))
Amazing what we do for the men in our lives. It takes a paramount effort to get past the abuse and finally stand up to him and what he’s done to you on all levels. You get to a place of quiet desparation because you don’t know what to say or do anymore. And finally all hope is lost. Been there too my friend, but I was lucky enough that mine doesn’t want to get rid of me or the kids and through therapy and medication is finally turning it around. Leading a quiet life of desparation is shameful because by not doing or saying something we give them the power to continue what they are doing. Fortunately a brand new day dawns on a new chapter in our lives where we are valued for WHO we are. Love you doll.
I luv you sweetie. *big hugs*
.-= Goblin´s last blog ..The Heritage Day Braai post =-.
even though it took so long – look what you have now.
beautiful boys and a loving, caring boyfriend. the way things should be. would you change anything?
you’re an amazing, strong, gorgeous woman, and no one can ever take that away from you again.
xx
.-= ExMi´s last blog ..Our Weekend Away =-.
Wow. You deserve way way more than that. Don’t let him take any more from you than he has.
.-= po´s last blog ..There’s something about Virgos =-.
**hugs**
You’re an awesome, amazing woman!
I just don’t understand why they can’t get that being mean and sabotaging us hurts the kids! I really hope you get your peace. Heaven knows I wish for mine
.-= Sally´s last blog ..My weird life just got weirder =-.
Worse that the physical abuse is the mental abuse. Bruises go, but the degradation of mental abuse takes many years. Been there, and I’m so very happy that you and your boys got out when you did. You stay strong gal!!!! And don’t ever let anyone change you. You are an awesome person, extrememly bright, and your positivity will take you far. Well done.
D
xxx
*hugs*
it’s fckn sick that chicks as awesome as we are have to go through this, but you made it out and things will only get better
xx
I still feel awfull how he even pulled the wool over my eyes.. You will never know how much you meen to me.
xoxoxoxoxoxox.
Just say the word. Pow.
Barbs – ((hugs)) thank you
Daisybug – My darling Daisybug!! I am soo pleased to hear that things are going better for you now. Remember I am always here if you want to talk
Gobz – I sommer Schmaak you stukkend!!!
Exmi – Wouldnt trade any of it for what I have now.. Just wish I could be left alone though..
Po – I dont want him to take anymore! But he persists on trying to stir shit for me and carrying on..
Swisstwist – Just as you are!
Sally – I wish I knew why.. But more than that.. I wish I knew how to stop it.
Denise, thank you for your kind words.. You are a Brave and Strong woman yourself with some truly awesome Kiddo’s!! Thank you for just being you!
Megan – Isnt it just!? I think that awesome chicks like us should stop accepting so much crap and I for one will take not a day more of his shit.. He needs to grow the fck up and leave me the fck alone now!!
QG – Aww sweety! How could you know? I never said anything..too embarresed..felt I was the cause…
But if your remember you didn’t like him from the get go though and that was your instincts kicking in..
Relax Max – word..
Go get him gal!!
Awesome post.
.-= Angel´s last blog ..An Odd Aspect Of TTC… =-.
Stay one more 11 days with him and help him to get married igen with someone else, perhapes that helps him to se that there has noet been any reason to undermine you