I almost did it.. It sits here in the drafts folder ready to go but I will not be sending it out today..

I thought I was “OK” with it and that I had moved on and that it was just one of those things we as people have to deal with when surrounded by Idiots and Assholes. But when I woke up this morning in PURE ANGER I realised just how much I wasnt “OK” with it afterall.

So I had some coffee, did some breathing exercises and all sorts of Mojo enhancing techniques that I could muster without resorting to putting a hairdryer on the grass in my attempt to dehydrate the front lawn into a *dube*..

I then composed the email whereby I inform the party/parties concerned of how I have made copies of all their long forgotten secrets and not so forgotten secrets (I have a file on everyone dontcha know) and will be forwarding this information to everyone they know, may have known, and might want to know..

..But I stopped there..

What will I achieve with this? They will obviously incur shame at the thought that everyone knows about their sordid past and all the terribles that go with it and not to mention the attached visual aids that I will submit, but how will it help me? I may feel a little bit A LOT better for awhile but this is short-lived and then I am still going to feel betrayed and annoyed with them.

Bottom Line, They are Assholes.. And nothing I do or say will change this.

This knowledge does not make me less angry though, neither does it stop me from composing the email and prepare to unleash some demons.. But it does stop me from clicking “SEND“…for today at least.

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KAK (noun)

~ Definition:- rubbish: something considered to be worthless or annoying (slang)

[Late 20th century. < Afrikaans, 'excrement' < Latin cacare 'defecate']

KAK (interjection)

~ Definition:- taboo term: a highly offensive term used as a swearword (taboo)

KAK weather

~ what the heavens have delivered for us in Durban today…

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

As you can see.. there is just this blanket of nastiness rolling in from the ocean blocking the sun and chasing away any hope of happiness..

And before you think, not that bad and blah-blah-blah, let me remind you this is 8.30am in Spring and in Durban

Ja..as I said before – KAK!

Sooooo… begs the question.. “Who the frikken hell ordered this and where do they live!!??”

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• That after not sleeping properly for days when sick..I am now battling to sleep more than 6 hours.. <–Insomnia is boring
• That even though my kiddies are Big Boys.. They still need their Momma.. <–*Happy Dance*
• That the corner Cafe wont deliver eggs even if I ask naaaisely!.. <–Muffins will have to wait
• That I am still battling to overcome the urge to say Fck You to ppl.. <– Find myself screaming it in my head now instead
• That sometimes the truth is not as important as is who can lie the most convincingly.. <–Another Fck You moment
• That HairyKnuckle still reads my blog .. <–Fan, perhaps?
• That I need more coffee.. <– Cup is empty again

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11 years of cleaning house, wiping noses,cooking, ironing, shopping, budgeting, doing your work projects and assignments..

11 years of bowing down to you and putting you and everyone else before me. Having to work after hours delivering pizza’s and waiting tables to put myself through school because I wasn’t allowed to let it interfere with raising the children..

11 years of having to be fearful that I have yet again done something wrong.Waking up in the middle of the night lying on the floor because you physically kicked me out of bed because of something that I said 6 weeks before…

11 years of having to be the “good wife” in front of everyone and ensuring that no-one knew the REAL you. Because appearances mean more to you than reality..

11 years of emotional and physical abuse only to find out 9 years later in the garden by you that it was because you actually didn’t like me.. In fact you despised me,thought I was too ugly and too loud and fat and opinionated. but refused to let me go because that isn’t the way things were supposed to be…

11 years of protecting you when you did the things that other people get arrested for. Having to hide the evidence because you were so sure no one will ever catch you.

I watched you go out and buy new car after new car for yourself while I had to make do with the old “skadonk” as you called it, I sat back and allowed you to sell our home in order to buy the cool things that YOU wanted. I dare not say a word because it was none of my business..

I gave up my internet cafe because you said that it was getting in the way and we needed to work things out. Stupid Me, I tried everything that I thought I was supposed to do and more..

And when I left you, you got mad. No one DARE leave you! How dare I leave you! You then came to me and told me how you have had to beat the women off you when you went on business trips… and here I am this ugly frumpy loud woman and I am rejecting you! HOW.DARE.I!? Yes, how dare I…

Truth be told, I should’ve left you in the first year of our marriage, the first time you put your hands around my neck and told me to keep quiet because I was making you angry. I should’ve left you back when you made me walk the 10 km’s home from the shopping centre in the rain carrying our 6 month old in my arms because you didn’t like the way I shopped for groceries. I should’ve left you after the first few times in bed when I discovered that your real nickname was “the fastest gun in the west” and not “Jammo” as you took to calling yourself a few years ago.. Honestly, I should’ve left you a long long time ago.

Not for any other reason but that everyone in this world deserves to be loved. At the very least liked for who they are and not who they should be..

But I have to ask, after everything I have done for you in the 11 years we were together, WHY cant you just leave me alone? Why do you insist on doing everything in your power to hurt me? Why do you insist on being such an asshole? Have I not done enough for you? Have I not given you enough of my blood to last a lifetime? Have I not given you chance after chance to change and be a better person? Why must your goal in life be to try and destroy me? Do you not realise that by trying to hurt me you are directly hurting your kids? Or do you not care?

I have moved on from that part of my life, smarter, happier, more in control, feeling fantastic! Because I know now what I don’t want in my life, and you most certainly encompass everything that I don’t want.

These last four years of my life have been wonderful! Learning more about me and embracing the obvious awesomeness that I am. I am happier in ways you and your small mind will never understand. I am the richest girl in the world even if I don’t drive the best car, wear the best clothes or eat at the fanciest restaurants. I wake up each morning counting my blessings and being grateful for the wonderful people in my life.

And if you don’t leave me alone from now on and continue to try everything in your power to undermine me, you may not like the outcome of that action. Enough is enough and I am not going to wait another 11 years before I take action against you.

Move on, and get over yourself. You are not as wonderful (not even close) as you would like to believe.

P.S. I would stop bragging about being the “fastest gun in the west”. Its not something to be proud about, actually.

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I think I am dying.. Seriously.

I stood staring at what looked like my left lung lying in the toilet after coughing it up this morning and felt bleak..Only one lung remaining and it would appear my body hasn’t slowed down at all in its extraction process.

I am updating my will at the moment and getting ready to say my last goodbyes and even have a dress I thought I would look rather good in for the “final viewing” before they send me on my way.

Don’t know WTF is going on with me as I NEVER get sick but this time.. I was sick a few days and got better and just as I was feeling great WHAMMO it hit me again and told me to lay down.. and thus I am forced to listen.

So as fabulous as it was knowing everyone..I must say my goodbyes and wish you all well on your endeavors.

Unless by some miracle I get better but I’m not holding my breath (its hard enough sucking air through this damaged windpipe of mine as it is)..

P.S. I am still expected to work whilst in the midst of dying..apparently I’m not dead yet

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Was only going to post this as a Friday Funny.. But Gobz was whining about me not being funny enough *sigh*

Not all that funny, but good for a giggle nonetheless, Is this better, Ma’am?!?

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I have yet to meet one of those for myself..

So of late I have been a bad blogger *spank-spank-giggle*..  but lets not dwell on that frivolousness right now.

Here is a quick snapshot of things on my mind:

• Sticking my foot up Hairyknuckle’s ass (fear of it falling off from toxic shock prevents me)..
• Children who DONT DO THEIR DAMN projects on time/at all..
• Holidays..
• *Censored*..
• End of month accounts..
• My current urge to say *fuck you* all the time..
• This cold that refuses to release me from its evil clutches..
• How much I have been enjoying my BIRTHDAY month!!..
• The Hill2Hill2009 ..hoping and praying for good weather this year..
• My ass and what it REALLY looks like..(I worry about this from time to time)..
• Some more *censored* stuff ..
• I think my car license is expiring..must dbl check..
• School holidays almost upon me..what will I do with them?

.. as you can see its just a jumble of boring arb stuff, a day in the life of me really..

More importantly, what have you been upto? I miss you, dontcha know So take a minute and share with me, distract me if you will..

P.S. A BIG Thank you to ANGEL and GLUGS for the wonderful birthday surprise!! MWAH!

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I need a holiday, a break from it all..

I don’t particularly care where it is. Just as long as it isn’t here.. in fact it shouldn’t be within 100km’s from here so that I am not sucked into the dramatics of life at home..

It’s not that things are bad here.. on the contrary, things are brilliant !!

BUT..

..I am stagnating and need a change of pace and scenery before I am consumed by the mundaneness of life as it were.

I don’t want to login to any consoles or open Dreamweaver or answer emails or take calls, I don’t want to have to drop everything in the afternoon to do the schoolrun, I don’t want to worry about cooking dinner, I don’t want to hear my alarm go off in the morning at 5.30am and have to drag myself into a semblance of respectability..I want to drink mojitos and watch people do their crazy shit all day, I want conversation that doesn’t involve work, and I want to be able to stay in bed ALLDAY for no other reason except that I can..

Is this really too much to ask? Probably.. But it doesn’t stop me from asking all the same..

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Men are not always as cut and dried as most people would have you believe. Here are a few things that I have learnt about men..

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1. Men  actually like your girly pet-names for them, but please, not in front of the other guys!!
2. Men don’t know how their toenails got like that!? And really want your advice/help on how to fix them..
3. Men may look confident and secure but would really love and appreciate a kind word and a compliment or two from you from time to time..
4. Men don’t want to know EVERYTHING you’ve done, and EVERYONE you’ve done it with. A little mystery helps keep some of the fire alive..
5. Make the first move in the bedroom. Men may enjoy the chase but  they need to feel wanted as well. Initiate sex a bit more often, and you could see dramatic improvements in your sex life…
6. Men don’t always say “I Love You” with words..Recognizing loving gestures will definitely help get the point across. Sometimes those three little words are being screamed loud and clear, with actions instead.
7. You care what you’re wearing infinitely more than they do. In fact, if you’re naked when you open the front door, you won’t hear an argument from them… not a single one
8. Every guy has one “weird” hobby.. some guys play computer games like COD4, others collect and build lego.. While I know you’re desperate to change them, let them have this one thing, it will keep them sane..
9. Men love it when you laugh at their jokes, even when they’re not funny.. ehem.. especially when its not that funny..
10. Men want you to kiss them sooner rather than later…
11. Men love to gossip just as much as women so throw them a titbit every now and then..<- Compliments of Goblin!
12. When you wonder “What did he mean by that? ” Don’t. We don’t have “deeper meanings.. <- Compliments of Hugh/@Cooncatt!

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P.S. Do you have a list? Feel you could improve on mine?? Feel free to add to it at in the comments I would LOVE to read it..

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Phoning and pretending to be someone else thinking its a private number but my caller ID  tells me a different story..

Next time you ask your cronies to phone me and lie, check that they are smart enough to operate a telephone, K?

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