Anyone who has delved into the depths of a Dean R Koontz novel or succumb to the dread of Stephen King will understand the real fear I experienced the other day driving along the M7 towards Pinetown.

It was 5pm, and in true winter style the sun was setting already. I was alone in the car so kept my windows closed and my doors locked. Traffic was being such a bastard as it can only be when you have somewhere to go. So there I am, stuck in bumper to bumper traffic tapping my fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the music blaring from my back speakers.

I had so many things running through my mind at the time, scanning through the events of the day as they occurred , making plans andsoforth, when out of the corner of my eye I saw movement coming from the bush next to me.

I made a mental bookmark for my thoughts and took a closer peek (traffic wasn’t going anywhere anyway) at the tuft of half dead bush next to me and scanned the litter that the inconsiderates of our planet obviously threw out of their cars.

I saw the movement again, and couldn’t believe my eyes. It was a ugly hairy stinky rat..but not just any old ugly hairy stinky rat. This one was HUMONGOUS and I swear it smiled at me.

I was horrified to say the least. I never actually considered that they would live in the center island of such a busy road to be honest, but this particular critter looked big enough to tango with a Great Dane with ease.. I then saw that he wasn’t alone. No, he had seen me too and called his cronies for lunch (I have been told I look delicious)!

They started approaching my car and I went cold, I had no way of getting away. There were cars all around me and they seemed to be completely oblivious to my plight! I saw in my minds eye as they worked together as a team and chewed through the door to get to me..Licking their lips in anticipation of sinking their grossly overgrown teeth into my soft, delicious skin. I was in full panic at this point and my mind was already watching people speak about what a terrible way it was for me to go .. at my funeral..

I gave a small yelp, shook the fear off my spine and threw my foot on the accelerator as hard as I could(THANKS THE HEAVENS I WASN’T IN GEAR!) And with that my engine threw my pistons about till the bounced like ping pong balls under the hood. I managed to get the attention of the cars around me and before I could gesticulate my dilemma to them I saw the fuckers run off down the road!!

I was the winner.. this time at least

Next time, I don’t know if I will be as lucky.

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