Arsefuk did himself a dirty. He just isn’t smart enough to realise it yet…let me explain.

Yesterday J asked his Dad for *R120. His dad said “Yes, no problem. I will put the money in your account!”

wait for it…

just wait…

Its coming…

waaaaait-waaaaaait…

…here it is..

2 hours later Arsefuk phones J back and says that he has put the maintenance money into my account a few days early and that J must ask me now for the R120.

Did you see that coming? Did you? Well, sadly I did.

I felt so bad for J, he was mortified. He had already told all his friends that he was going to be able to go to the LAN and now his dad pulls this humdinger out of his bum. Who promises to give their kid money and then turns around and says take it out of the maintenance, thats what the money is for!?!  He does this everytime the kids ask for anything from him. J’s last birthday he told J that whatever I buy the J is actually from him because he pays maintenance. Yes, he IS that stupid. But wait there is more..

Later that night he phones his dad again, trying to see if his dad is over his moment of madness.. And that is when it happened.. I had nothing to do with it. I keep out of these things, you know. I let the boys make up their own minds about him.. I watched J’s face as realisation hit him, as he fully comprehended who his dad really was. He finally understood that he couldn’t depend on his dad to tell him the truth. He understood that he couldn’t expect his dad to keep his word. He understood that his dad doesn’t really listen to him. He also understood that his dad was a very flawed person.

He ended the call with his dad  a very sad boy, came over to me, gave me a hug and told me he loves me..and thats how we sat for a little while.

My heart broke..children shouldn’t reach a point where they are dissapointed by their parents.. Its just not right.

What is even more sad is that Arsefuk feels justified in what he says & does and blindly believes that his boys will love him no matter what he does..

* R120, J could pay this himself. He gets pocket money, he has money in his account, but I also know that he is saving all his pocket money at the moment because he wants to buy a scooter next year..

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I always thought that I came from a crazy dysfunctional bunch of banana’s.. and blamed most of the crazy shit on my dads tackle.. If he kept his tackle covered there wouldn’t have been as many of us.

And then I came across the phenomenom of this other family, we will call them ‘The Simps‘, and ‘The Simps‘ are a small family but completely fucked up! Seriously!

Families should stick together in tough times.. but this lot dont even greet each other. Its each to its own really. The bickering and backstabbing is ongoing and the best of all?!?! They feel it is all justified. Everyone is justified in what they do and how they behave and for every day that goes by it gets worse and worse.

Growing up for me I wouldn’t agree with everything that went on and felt it my duty to tell everyone where they went wrong, obviously. It wasnt always well received but at least I  felt that an attempt was made to hear me.

With ‘The Simps’ if you speak you are instantly to blame for everything that went wrong in their lives including the plague. In fact if you give them some solid advice on shampoo and they take it but their dog gets attacked by ninja turtles its your fault.

And no-one talks, at all. It is mostly just barbed comments thrown over the shoulder while they walk away, and that’s the parental, the supposed role model.

I don’t actually know how to react when I see this as this is not a situation I thought was possible. Isn’t family supposed to stick together? Have each others back? Lean on each other in tough times?

Yes, get angry with each other! But for the love of all that is good and holy, blood is thicker than water, you should at least listen to each other as much as you blame!

Fuckit, I have had enough. I am so sick of the shit that I am prepared to dirty my hands now and kick some ass.

Maybe if they all busy blaming me for everything they could at some point learn to like each other once again!?

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So I arrived at the gym the other day. Armed with water bottle and towel with my gym card tucked safely in my bra, ready to stretch and tone my lumps and bumps out. Its been months since I walked in to this establishment of thinly veiled torture and tried to keep as low a profile as possible in case my return is not as successful as I had first anticipated and I am forced to go home and lick my wounds for indefinite periods afterwards.

As I entered I remember I had left my musicthumper at home and groaned as I contemplated the boredom I will be experiencing on the treadmill.. However, I need not have concerned myself with that.. Plenty entertainment unfolded to keep me amused. Allow me to explain…

After spending what felt like a year or two I finally figured out how to drive the new treadmills there (its been that long) and started off with a reasonably slow pace easing my joints into action. After a few minutes the pool area caught my eye (all the treadmills overlook the pool below) as I saw what I thought was someone have an epileptic fit but thankfully before I ran all the way down (to do what I still don’t quite know)I saw that she was in fact a mom instructing her toddler in the fine art of windmilling in the pool.. As I continued watching in morbid fascination at her I noticed that the toddler agreed with my assessment that she is crazy and continued to doggy paddle to the other end before promptly getting out and demanding a towel and rub down.

Aaargh!!..The treadmill suddenly lurched into a higher gradient and brought me back to my task at hand which was to make friends with the treadmill and ultimately dominate this relationship we are about to form..pace adjusted, water swigged, I look ahead over the pool and see *windmill mom now over on the other side about to instruct the group of aqua aerobicers, aaaah..so she is an instructor.. not a crazed mom after all.. mental correction made.

I watched avidly to see what watersports she was going to entertain me with next and as I suspected she did not disappoint.. she had barely got them all in the water when the rap tunes started blaring from the speakers and she went about gyrating at a speed of knots leaving her audience baffled whether to try mimic her or just clap for her.. after a few concerned seconds had elapsed the group tried their best to join in her movements but it was a particularly tough act to follow with her jumping up and down on the side of the pool swinging her arms, shaking her head, kicking her legs so fast and so furious that it was difficult to tell where the one repetition started and the other ended all the while shouting for them to kick higher and move faster.. The group moved in the water in slow unison and if I was to hazard a rough guess I would say that they did one repetition to her twenty.

Which in itself is not bad considering they were under water and she was gyrating like a landlocked fish on the side of the pool.

Before I looked again I noticed my treadmill slowing down and realised that my time was done and suprise-suprise I had survived my first day back.. And did the one thing I didn’t know was possible, I left the gym with a smile on my face and a giggle in my throat!

And for that I thank the gyrating goose instructing the water wings in the pool in such an entertaining fashion..

Haven’t seen her there since, but look forward to her next performance…

*not her real name…

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I seldom give much thought as to what sort of impression I make on people because subconsciously I just generally know people don’t get me.

I am always misunderstood and in most cases raise eyebrows. And thats my family.. I wont even get into the effect I have on the rest of the populace.

People who take the time to bond with me, have a friend for life.. the rest aren’t intelligent enough to know a good thing when it bitchslaps them. My humor is not for the feeble and my tongue cuts through to the bone when I am crossed, but in general I actually mean no harm and will go out of my way to help where I can.

But the popular perception is that I am a tough koeksister that takes no kak.. The reality is that I am a shy girl that is far too often misunderstood and find people dont warm to me easily..

It doesn’t help that I don’t like stupid, narrow minded people and don’t tolerate people who spew crap for the sake of spewing crap. And that this personal pet hate of mine is not concealed by the standard plugin that others seem to come prebuilt with.

I don’t pretend to be nice to people that are stupid, mean, arrogant, unpleasant and/or full of shit. I have learnt to walk away and say nothing instead, but I wont engage in small talk for the sake of appearances..

That being said, I came to a surprising discovery of late where it would appear that I am more liked than I previously thought possible.

Have I changed? Is it me? Am I a nicer person? More easily understood? Are my jokes finally being caught? Or have people around me realised that life is short and they are running out of possible tjommies in their lives?

Its scary to be in a position where taking over the world no longer consists of having to incorporate a front man because your public image is not one of kissing babies or helping old ladies cross the road but one of avoiding babies like the plague and helping old ladies change their vibrator batteries…

I kinda like this thing where I am loved by more..But I hope that all this new free love and bondaging doesn’t change me too much!

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Enhance Your Calm…

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I went to the Circus last night. Haven’t been in years! For good reasons.. I always walk away from them feeling  like I have just been to a funeral…

I find myself looking at the setup, the costumes, the fact that the ringmaster also pops the popcorn, the trapeze artist peddles the glow in the dark trinkets, the strong man doubles up as clown#2 and all the clowns look sad and in need of a hug. (don’t get me started on the animals)

But last night I got suckered into taking the kiddies to the circus.. and am traumatised for it.

On a more positive note today is Humpday, so if we can survive today its all downhill to the weekend!!!

Happy Humpday…

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“If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all…”

We all know the saying, but few of us exercise this restraint. Take me for instance, I couldn’t keep quiet about things even if you superglued my lips shut because then more than likely my arse would learn to talk (with attitude)!!

This weekend has been hard on me and I have found my restraint to be tested dearly.. That is not to say I didn’t say a whole bunch of shit in my head over and over again.. but for the team I took a few hits and kept my distance in case some words flew out that are best left unsaid… for now anyways.

As a result my Flu has come back in full force and as I sit here in the office, my body hurts and I am feverish. I dont think internalising my opinions are all that healthy for me. So I am semi-venting on my blog in the hopes of bringing my fever down..

Oh and I am being stalked again.. lovely!

Hope your monday isnt as feverish as mine…

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Have a Porno Weekend!!

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P.S. There is a New Poll Added!!

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I am celebrating the day of birth for my little pumpkin today.. He has been amusing me for a solid 11 years now and counting.

I remember like it was yesterday the way he would laugh hysterically at some silly thing that his big brother had done..oh wait, that WAS yesterday!

He has the most fantastic laugh and unbelievably sensitive soul. He studies hard, hates getting into trouble for anything and loves to sing. He is currently the school Chess Captain and knows more about a PC than most adults. He is just such an awesomely easy boy to raise. Happy Go Lucky with life and smart.

I am very very proud to be his mom…

Dan is my saving grace with so many things in life and I love him desperately with every fibre of my being.. I look forward to watching him grow some more and seeing just what a fantastic teenager he turns out to be.

Happy Happy Birthday my Darling Darling Dan!! Mommy loves you lots and lots, more than jelly tots!!

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