The old rule of thumb used to be three dates.. And then it was considered acceptable to go all the way to funky town with the guy in question.
Does this rule still apply today? Do we still feel that the third date is the clincher and a condom must travel with? And if so what constitutes a date in todays modern way of SMS, E-mail and Online dating sites.
Would you consider three weeks of chatting on Mxit as “knowing” each other? Would you consider the exchange of photo’s via email as a date? What about sending each other your Google Earth Co-Ordinates?
I am not so sure that technology is doing us too many favours in the dating world and if anything it has allowed the jerks out there more of an avenue to prey on single and trusting women.
But lets say for instance Jenny meets Johnny via a dating site.. Johnny likes Jenny’s photo.. he appreciates her proficiency in completing her profile so thoroughly and she finds him entertaining if not just abit undone by the size of his ears. They decide to meet.. but they have been exchanging anecdotes and information for over two weeks already.. Is it acceptable for Johnny to arrive with wine in one hand and condoms in the other or would this be too forward?
In Johnny’s mind he knows Jenny more intimately than someone he has been seeing for over a period of six dates. He has shared soo much more and so has she. Why not expect some physical throw downs?
Jenny on the other hand.. is bewildered and shocked by the proposal of first date nookie but feels that she is perhaps being slightly prudish because after all.. this is the 21st Century and she has his Google Co-Ordinates saved back home on the PC.. so it must be OK? And lets face it.. Jenny has needs.. and with the size of Johnny’s ears it is promising to be an fulfilling event.
But I think not Johnny.. So tuck away your pecker and take the girl out on a few more dates.. Sex is not the end result of the date.. Sex is the next level on the ladder of intimacy.. So be patient.. because it will always be worth the wait 
I just dont believe that you can really truly know a person properly via online methods.. There is always something that they keep hidden from you and people are VERY different online than in real life. So the way he/she is represented online is not always what you end up with when you meet.
I for one would probably wait even longer than the third date rule just for those reasons.. The scope for misrepresentation is sooo much more higher.
As for cybersex… it is huge amounts of fun.. but if you ever hope to forge anything worthwhile with the other party.. this should not be done before at least meeting. And then I still believe it should be something not rushed into. Because CyberSex is just as intimate an act as real sex..
But what do you think? Do you agree with me? The third date rule? Or am I being a fuddy duddy and antiquated?
How long would you wait?
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I agree with you because people DO hide stuff online. Of course we do. So if you are wise you would not jump into something, even if you feel you know him. But I am a cautious gal.
po’s last blog post..Strange Shores: Unbunged
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!
This made me giggle so much. Pack away your pecker, indeed.
Nopes, I agree with you B. 3rd date = next base after kissing at most. Sex only when you’re ready.
SheBee’s last blog post..This has had me in stitches for 5 minutes already.
I understand the thoughts behind this post and you are asking good questions.
I’ve been involved in the cyber world and meeting people off it for well over 10 years. You know, back in the day when IRC and other mediums of chat were less full of creeps cause people weren’t as technologically clued up. The rules of engagement have changed substantially with The advances in usability of chat and social networking. It all boils down to your own intuition with a healthy dose of skeptism and faith in your fellow human.
Just something to point out, it isn’t just the men that are full of malicious intent. I’ve been burnt by a few women in my time.
The online environment makes it easier to meet a larger group of people. And it does bring down barriers we’d normally present in face to face meetings and there is the danger as pointed out.
A woman has already determined whether she will sleep with a guy by the first few minutes of meeting the guy in person. Of course she may not acknowledge this to herself or may need time to understand this. If the woman tells herself no, then the question is irrelevant. If yes, then it depends on how long the guy takes to close, or to get the woman to understand that she’s already said yes. That varies from 60 seconds to a dismally long time.
Too many questions. Too much thinking. Totally bewildered. But I’ll take a wild guess and say “Thursday.”
In case that was the right answer, please don’t give me an award. Thank you.
Relax Max’s last blog post..In over my head again: Music to wring tears from stars
WELL! I had no idea about the 3-date rule until after 2 years of dating!
So I went by the Laura-rule – when it feels right! Which often was before date 3 – ja ja ok dont judge me
But now that I have gotten over all that I think 3 dates is fair – would totally depend on the situation tho!
Laura’s last blog post..Maintenace Court
I think you’re right about the three dates thing, Briget. As a guy, in my experience, it usually takes a week, with about 3 dates in it before you do it like they do on the discovery channel.
This is what I recall at least. Last year I celebrated my last birthday by counting my bird feeders. This year I’d like sexual intercourse. And a cake. Please send full frontal nude photos to fushandchips@gmail.com
fush and chips’s last blog post..I Have Man Tits
Any girl who has my Google Earth co-ordinates MUST give me nookie on the first date! Why else would I give it to her?
Po – yes… Hide things we do.
Shebee –
the next time we meet it will be our 3rd date.. hope you ready to put out..:-P
Bergen Larson – Ja.. i been the victim of some outlandish women.. but they all put out eventually..
Greg – so on an average.. how long do you normally wait?
Relax Max – Your Award has been sent for recycling..
Laura – Laura-Rule?? Whahahahahahahaha!!!
fush and chips – so how many bird feeders do you have then?
Glugster – tsk tsk.. and i thought you gave them to me so’s I can be stalking you…
It’s always depended on the person for me. I don’t have a strict rule, just a…do I or don’t I rule
With the current boy toy…technically I had met him through a fright when I was 16, but really we started chatting over the net for about 2 months until we set up a LAN date…and we got drunk and boinked. So that was really a first date thing.
Yes I’m a geek to the core. I had a LAN date. piss off
And that was really all the time we needed. Mainly because both of us had actually been honest during our little time of communications.
Other times it’s taken longer. But I know that doesn’t matter because you’re dying to call me a whore right now
Goblin’s last blog post..A furiously fast lesson on furries and their fascinating fans.
Gobz Gobz Gobz, why would i call you a whore, hmmm? just because you boinked on your first date? or because your date consisted in lanning and not talking before the actual boinking took place? No, my real concern lies in that lanning got your blood pumping and your hormones raging enough to get boinking on the first date…that’s all.
Mwahahaha that’s a good point.
Goblin’s last blog post..A furiously fast lesson on furries and their fascinating fans.
If you want an honest answer, you’d first have to consider that I was a musician for many years and traveled extensively, and when I did “date” it wasn’t exactly like what I hear and read from the average person’s experience.
So the whole “how long do you wait” question really doesn’t/didn’t quite fit. It didn’t really come up that I can recall. I’ve known women who were very uninhibited and those who seemed to need more structure.
So I would say in general, being careful to avoid details, that there are people that one might sleep with without technically “dating” and there are people who you have no intention of having sex with but “date” often (and everything in between). Dating and sex, at least for me, aren’t really bound together.
When to have sex is more a matter of one’s personal belief system (which I lack), and personal health and safety. For most people I would caution that a three date rule might leverage reason over passion, but it also sets up expectation and deadlines.
Casual (safe) sex is fine as is abstinence until marriage. Setting up an arbitrary deadline for sex only creates tension. What is most important is for an individual to know his/her comfort level. For those less inhibited individuals, I would recommend minimizing risks until you know the person very well (i.e., save the freaky stuff for much later).
The reality of sex is that rationality varies inversely with the number of times you’ve slept with an individual. It’s a bit like eating at a new restaurant when you’re hungry. If you’ve eaten there before, you have more self control. Or if you’ve eaten at similar restaurants it isn’t a big deal. But when a new restaurant comes to town with a really good chef, don’t be surprised if you’re ignoring the price tag. So your three-date thing is a bit like dieting. As long as you keep your choices to that bland diet crap, you’ll be fine sticking to it. But where’s the fun in that?
Hmmmm Greg seems intriguing.
Goblin’s last blog post..A furiously fast lesson on furries and their fascinating fans.
Meeting guys on line.
Hmm.
I met three guys on line via either dating sites or IRC [this is going back a few years, prior to FB and the likes of]. One became my best friend and the love of my life. One I almost married. The third was a total psycho. Still I did go out with him for a good six months before this realisation dawned. I don’t have a hard and fast rule [excuse the pun]. Sex happens when it feels right. I’ve never been able to have no strings attached nookie. And I agree with Greg. The girl is usually the one who decides …
Miss P’s last blog post..Meme magic!
I would wait forever.
Greg – You can play a guitar?
Goblin – he does seem to have some interesting qualities,indeed
Miss P – hmmm… psycho isnt always a bad thing..
Davy – You would? You would wait forever? hmmmm… i will need to sit down and reread this again..
Hold on… you do know forever is longer than a week, right?