Pointing fingers..

[This post is probably going to offend some people and I just want to say that this is not meant to do that.. It is just me and my armpit going off on a tangent about something that really concerns me..k?]

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OK, So I am very self aware at the moment..I admit..

Probably because I am a big girl..Tall and definitely not as graceful as I’d like to be at the moment.. I am also not what can be crudely termed as a MILF or even a cutie .. if you know what I mean.

Therefore I torture myself on a regular basis at the Gymnasium sweating and panting like a wild rhinoceros going for the kill just to help keep myself from exploding at the seams and falling apart completely..

But I am concerned.. my concern is not aimed entirely at me funny enough.. partly because I know I am doing something about myself and also probably because I know that I am quite healthy considering..

My concern falls whambammo on the people I see around me.. Let me illustrate for you what I am talking about.. Just today I saw a lady drive past me… and I caught myself staring after her in morbid curiosity.. She was fat.. Hugely Fat.. and I had no idea where her chin ended and her tummy started.. it looked almost as if someone poured her into the car!

BUT… and here’s the clincher.. she not only threw herself got out the car successfully, but she trundled wobbled walked into the shopping centre wearing tight pants, crocs and a t shirt..

She also had her black hair in a ponytail sporting a shocking pink fringe and I could’ve sworn I saw her flirting with the car guard..

I was not sure whether I should laugh, cry or both.

And she is not alone.. I see far too many people like this and it really worries me for various reasons.. firstly there is the health risk of being soo obese that your fankles are a long and distant memory and your boobs and tummy have joined forces to create the boo-mmy. Secondly there is the worn out old croc fetish amongst the larger ladies that make me want to drive over my own foot.. I mean.. Come ON!.. Crocs are Kak.. plain and simple..

So I am now more determined than ever to get my ass and legs into a less lumpy shape so that I never get to the Croc wearing stage and therefore forced to shoot myself out of pure self loathing..

Crap! I didn’t realise just how much this is bothering me..

I am really sorry if I offended anyone.. but this is for me a reality check of how a person can become if left alone with too many pizza’s and pies..

I grew up a tall and skinny girl and it was only after the birth of my first child that I came to the swift and horrifying realisation that I am going to have to watch my food intake or I will end up ballooning out of proportion and sadly I have been on that battle ever since..

Pregnancy was not kind to my body and I am wearing the scars of the onslaught now with having had to remove my gall bladder with the first one and my thyroid failing on the second..

Today I manage my thyroid with medication and steer clear of oils and fats due to loss of the gallbladder.. but still the fight is hard.. But left unchecked? I will be pouring myself in a car and some other woman will stare at me drive past in morbid fascination..

because I believe that there comes a point in a fat girl’s life where they just shrug it off and resolve that they will never be slender or small.. and just get larger and larger and larger..

..I never want to get there..