Asscramps explained..

[Warning:- this is longwinded and may induce comatose like symptoms.. But its my story so read the damn stupid thing and be happy for me..k?]

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Going on holiday.. we all need it.. regardless if the holiday is more strenuous than life at home or not. It is the change in scenery and timetables. You are surrounded by new and different things to do and this is what makes us feel so relaxed and at peace when we return to our own personal comfort zones.

I haven’t been on holiday for such a long time really because I tend to put it off for later because there is no money/no time/nowhere I want to go/I’m too lazy to organise it.. and before you know it a year has gone by and you are still just a vessel of empty promises at home..

My sister grabbed me by the short and curlies (I was due for a wax) and said that she was not taking NO for an answer and we are going CAMPING!!

I made LOADS and LOADS of grumbles and moans as I haven’t really camped before and the thought of being eaten by bears does not appeal to me.. but the kids were keen and SexyG promised to take really good care of me and my sensitivity (besides the thought of nookie in a tent was appealing)..

It was a fun filled event and I have put all the pics I took on my Facebook Profile here and here ..

Friday

Left early on Friday.. was most probably the hottest day on earth with my eyeballs melting which made the 150km drive not the most pleasant experience for all of us.  We went in two cars with my sisters car crammed with tents, sleeping bags, pumps, bikes and other arb camping gear that I don’t know about… I had all the kids in mine and the food.. so we were sorted..hehehe..

We got a bit lost looking for the turn off to ClearWaterTrails Camp but after a few phone calls we found it..(if it was a snake we would all be bitten stukkend…just BTW). And such a nice venue.. It is a MTB camp so the kids almost immediately jumped on their bikes to go. The Rocket and SexyG started by putting up the tents and blowing up our beds.. It was inconsiderately hot still and I was afraid I may pass out if I moved..So I did the smart thing and I lay on the grass with my sister and watched them..  As soon as the camp site was set up the guys got all there gear on and went on a ride on one of the easy trails and my sister and I were left alone to explore the campsite and see what is going on. The place was fabulous!!! They had a communal kitchen fully stocked with a open lounge!! How cool is that? Apparently this is not the norm and I am just a lucky girl..!! There was also Open Outdoor Showers (big and sexy)and an Open Toilet facility so you can watch the kangaroos bounce around outside while in the middle of whatever Number you are doing on the crapper.. fun eh?

For dinner I had premade a chicken curry and once we managed to locate all the kids ( big and small) and convinced them that a shower is needed we all sat around the BIG dining room table outside the communal kitchen that overlooks the Umtamvuna Gorge and we ate.. heartily.. and relaxation was the tone of the evening..

After dinner the kids played scrabble and Uno and us adults poked fun at each other over coffee and chocolate till late..

What we didn’t realise while doing all this fun stuff is that it rained quite heavily outside and “SOMEONE” had left a flap open in the one tent that us big kids were going to share and it rained in.. by our pillows nogal..So armed with wet pillows, sheets and accusations we did the best we could with a bad and wet situation and got down to some serious cuddling.. (I wasn’t allowed to do nookie cos my sister threatened bodily harm if we did any funky monkey while she is in earshot … *sigh*).

Saterday

Woke up at around 6am after having a fabulous sleep to find the weather was marvelous.. the heat had dissipated and it was slightly overcast and cool. The guys immediately donned their lycra and other gear and jumped on their bikes with promises to return as soon as possible and that they will cook the breakfast.. The kids awoke and did the same.. So Sis and I rustled up some coffee,grabbed our books and lay in bed reading till they returned, cool hey?

Breakfast

When they returned the skottle was hauled out and bacon and eggs permeated the air with its yumminess.. it was awesome.. after  breakfast the kids and guys disappeared on their bikes again to explore some more trails.

Coffee Farm

My sis and I decided a walk was in order and we went off armed with a map to find THE COFFEE FARM.. Sounded like the place to be.. but after walking for awhile we realised we were lost..lol.. Our first clue was that we stumbled on a local settlement and it was obvious that we didnt belong by looks and fingers pointing in our direction.. I whispered to my sis that this is why I need a GPS and shouldnt be left on my own..A few locals walked up to us and in my broken kitchen zulu (which consists mainly of swearwords and naughty actions) I managed to explain that we were looking for the COFFEE FARM, either that or I told him  that I was in love with a mielie’s.. either way we ended up with an escort of 5 local ladies armed with babies walking at a pace of knots through what can only be described as their shortcut.. after walking for about 10 minutes we heard this godawful wail of a sound and turned around to see a little girl following us wailing away.. ( I took pics.. go look here)..shame man!

At long last the COFFEE FARM appeared before us and it was all that and more! The coffee was fabulous and they had tasting tours and bottomless coffee. What more could I ask for? A comfortable couch and my book while a half nekkid guy massages my feet with his buttocks..perhaps. After a few moments of quiet bliss, the kids located us and insisted we buy them all JUMBO chocolate milkshakes to perk up their energy reserves.. and then they skadaddled off to ride some more.. The guys also located us there and we bought them some chocie milkshakes too.. cos we WANT to take advantage of them later and their reserves are important to us..

After consuming enough bottomless coffee to kick start a boeing 747 we headed home escorted by my Big Boy J so that we dont get lost again… back at the camp he left us and went to join the others on the trails and we just collapsed in the communal lounge too pooped to party..

Viewpoint

The Rocket and SexyG graced us with their prescence after a while and we took a walk to the Viewpoint which overlooks the Gorge.. How beautiful!! Oh man, It was stunning.. so stunning.. I could hear the cows bleating from the other side of the gorge, just awesome! The guys went off the platform to have a better look and my sister suffered an ass collapse in anxiety(not a pleasant sight I must say).. Ther was this other dude there too.. and he was taking pics of a rock with a camera lens big enough to capture life on mars..

Waterfall

Once we located all the kids and hid their bikes we all went down to the waterfall.. and I was promptly attacked by ants all the way down.. ( I think I screamed a bit ).. bastard ants. The waterfall was lovely.. the water was freezing but it was just soo awesome.. it reminded me of the waterfall we used to play at as kids.. The trip back was fraught with angry ugly ants.. but i just ran screaming all the way.. ain’t life fun?

The day winds down…

The kids and guys rode all day really.. and at the end of it.. there was only one thing left.. cries of agony and pitiful moans because they have sore bums.. their asses are officially protesting and require down time..

SexyG was fine.. his tushie is used to it.. but the kids were just so full of complaints & The Rocket had his tushi massaged by my sister with arnica oil to enable him to sit on it..

So we had a skottle braai for dinner and the kids had roasted marshmallows for pudding..

I had a fabulous outdoor shower with SexyG ….Oh Oh Oh soo fabulous.. (saw no kangaroo’s though)..

Going to bed I discovered that even though our tent was dry this time around,SOMEONE left the tent flaps open again and little crickets were lying in wait for me so that they could attack me in bed..bastard things.. But I showed them the door and  finally cuddled down with SexyG and we slept soundly together.. (The Rocket complained for awhile about his sore ass before falling asleep..I was too nervous to ask what they were upto..lol!)

Sunday

Early start again (7am) and I was surprised to learn that even though most of them couldn’t sit down.. all of them jumped on their bikes and set off to get in One Last Ride...lol!

On their return we had some breakfast and then we all took to disassembling our camp site and hitting the road..  It was time to go.. and sadness was abound..

I bought some Knik-Knaks from the campshop to bring home and we said our goodbyes to Jan and Natalie who were superbly friendly and fabulous camp hosts!

The trip home was easier than the trip there due to the weather being friendlier.. and I was very happy to be home at the end of it..

… nothing quite like home, don’t you agree?

So now I have given you a quick overview of my trip.. nothing dramatic happened like bear attacks.. but i found myself relaxing and do much of nothing.. I didnt get my book finished but I did manage to discharge my capacitors ready to take over the world yet again!!!

And having The Rocket there with SexyG made this a laugh a minute trip that will see me giggling in my sleep for months to come!!

Thanks everyone… I loved every minute of it.. even when I couldn’t get my feet clean enough or when the showers went from hot to cold every 5 seconds and even when I discovered that the one bike chipped the paint off the back bumper of my car…

…can’t wait to go again..

P.S. I even made a Desktop Wallpaper for you to download in the Facebook Album.. cool hey!?