1986

I was only 12.. and a very young 12 too. I had a mom, a dad, various brothers and sisters, 2 dogs, gerbils and played make believe that my broom allowed me to fly…

I didn’t even know we had a secret.. and it would’ve probably not been so bad being told about it had it not been in the midst of chaos, sadness and change..

My dad was leaving us.. more correctly he was leaving my mom.. going away to be a family with someone else.. And this was not the time to tell me about secrets.. I didn’t want to hear anymore.. I wanted things to be the way they were..

.. but we all know that no matter how hard we cry and how many tears we shed. Things will be what they are.

So my dad left .. and then the truth had to be revealed to us. It was time for me to know the truth about my family…

My parents weren’t married. The ring on her finger was not put there in a holy communion.. vows were not exchanged in the company of God.. I was officially a bastard child.

How could this happen? My mom had my dad’s surname? I don’t understand..I hear things being said but I am soo confused by all this and more.. We had to leave.. after 21 years of my parents being together, loving each other, having children together.. we just had to leave.. My mom had no claim on anything and had nothing to show for the countless years of being by his side and looking after him.. I was dying inside.. How could this happen?

My mom then told me the story of how my parents met and what a difficult life she really had.. She was young, a nurse in Joburg, pretty by anyone’s standards but from a strict Afrikaans family that afforded her no freedom and therefore she was probably a bit naive.. She met a dashing young man (her words) and fell in love. Marriage was soon on the cards for her and more importantly freedom from an oppressive home life. But after the wedding things soon turned sour and his true colours surfaced. He started hitting her. And this was just the beginning. She knew this was wrong but where could she go? Her family didn’t believe her.. She had no real friends to turn to and there she was, married to a man that thought nothing to smack her around when he needed to be entertained.

She took as much of it as she could until one day he beat her so badly she miscarried.. A life was taken from her.. she had stood by and allowed him to treat her like a punching bag, having numerous affairs and so on.. but her unborn has just been taken from her in an angry burst of violence, next time it could be her life he takes from the world and she knew it.

The next day while he was gone out to work she packed her bag and fled for her life.

She walked for hours with her one suitcase wandering the streets of Joburg, confused, scared and tired. She eventually sat down at a bus stop and knew that she needed to make a decision as to where she was going and what she was going to do but for now she just wanted to rest..

My dad whom she about to meet was a very sad and broken man too. His wife divorced him and took his kids just a few months previous. He had a drinking problem and was unable to take control of his life. His life was one of work, drink and sleep, with drink being the problematic portion. On his way home one day however, he saw a beautiful young woman sitting at a bus stop, and found himself drawn to her.He walked up to my mom, saw her slumped shoulders, saw the sadness in her eyes and just knew that she needed a friend.

“Why Hello there!” he greeted her as pleasantly as he could. And she just smiled at him. You see, my mom was afrikaans and even though she could understand english, speaking it was a very different story. “Goeiedag Meneer” she replied. My dad smiled because even though he could understand afrikaans, speaking it was a very different story.

He took her hand in hers and asked her if she wanted to come to his home and join him for dinner.. and that’s where it all started really.. she moved in with him.. and they lived happily ever after??!!?

No, this is not a fairytale.. this is reality. They overcame their differences,she helped him to sober up, they eventually fell in love with each other, had children together, and then 21 years later he found himself in the throes of a mid life crisis and left her shattered….. at the bus stop once again.

So there you have it. My mom ran from an abusive husband, was unable to get a divorce from him for fear of him finding her, and so was never able to marry my dad. Which is not all that bad, except that it left us in a very vulnerable position when he left.. a very bad situation all round.

The thing about secrets is that once they have been told they are no longer private. Everyone knows about it.. It goes from being a secret to being harsh reality. And knowledge may be power but sometimes not knowing is bliss…

Now before you get all angry with my dad for being a tosser..leaving us the way he did.. shattering our lives in such a cruel manner.. Bear in mind the man he actually was .. Kind, Caring, Funny and Smart.. And even kind, caring, funny and smart people make mistakes.. yes, everyone makes mistakes in life.. its whether you learn from them that makes the difference…

I forgave him for everything that had happened.. And love him dearly for being my darling dad, warts and all.

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I can not believe it is Sunday the 28th of December. I honestly didn’t think I was going to survive this Christmas at all…

It was supposed to be a quiet lovely Xmas like last year where I could cook elaborate yumminess, eat it all, open the pressies and then collapse on my bed with the most pressing thought being should i sleep with or without knickers..

But, as is true with most things in my life, things never work out the way I plan them.. In fact I am of the very serious thought that there is a planet out there that reads my thoughts and it kicks our lovely planet earth just enough to throw my plans off kilter.. Bastards, all of them!

Anyway, so I was to spend my Christmas at the boyfriends mother’s place with his family as it were and all is hunky dory with that except of course that this entails niceties for extended periods of time and no way on earth will I be able to sneak off for a nice nap after all.. Its pleasantries till everyone goes.. and then its cleanup and then as things have it the kids are hungry all over again and so on and so on..  And all I could think of is how do I get this day over with so I can kick off my shoes and just chill with my family.. alone.. no visitors.. Damn!, I think I am becoming a bloody HERMIT!  Oh well.. next year I am telling everyone I am going away…

Wait till I tell you what I got for Christmas.. Santa loves me… He really does.. It must be because I am such a bad girl good girl !!

I got..

1. My favourite Perfume(the big one) with all the creams and stuff with it to make me smell oh so lovely for a long time..
2. Fat Bastard.. Oh man I am sooooooo happy about this.. been playing for days, sorting, labeling, etc..
3. A stunning Gold Bangle to add to my growing collection…
4. Pyjamas… cos they are importants sometimes …
5. A butterfly for my flowerbed (you should see the pretty bulbs I planted a month ago)… <–cute man
6. A Picnic blankie set…
7. A book.. not just any book.. but the one I asked for.. Mushy Peas on Toast

I also got loads of hugs, kisses, phonecalls and mucha grande legover!

So I think it is safe to say I am spoilt rotten and that Santa should be thanked properly by me for a long long time.. wink-wink, nudge-nudge..

On a different note.. I haven’t gone near my pc since Christmas Eve.. I promised myself away time to recover from the hectic year of 2008.. this was not an easy task and I cheated a little with checking my mail on my phone..lol! But today I feel I can do this thing… The kids have gone away for a few days and SexyG has gone cycling so I came in tidied my desk abit and will do some prepping for the year ahead later on.

2009 is promising me brilliant and bright things.. Business is doing sooo well and I am happy with my life.

Important things about me that I know.. is that Stability is what I need to thrive and Chaos will always bring me down… So I need to get into the office early and nurture an environment for myself that I know I can cope in. So here I am getting down to what needs to be done and doing it…

Before this year is gone completely though I want to take stock of all the things that I have experienced both good and bad and learn from it…  I am stronger today than I was a year ago this time.. I have more focus.. I am more driven.. and I am more calm… I am happy, finally…

Not sure yet on whether or not I will be doing anything special for New Years eve.. Because I always think that the way you spend your first day of the year tends to set the tone for the rest of it.. So I am cautiously trying to think of the most positive way to do this.. make sense??

On a very Arb and Crazy different note.. I was thinking the other day of changing my name.. mostly because I am tired of people spelling it incorrectly and perhaps choose something we all know how to spell??

So what do you think of “Apple Tart” ??   I Like it.. will try it out for a little while and see how it goes..

Well that’s it for now.. Going off to make some coffee and was thinking of perhaps reading my new book for a few minutes before doing anything else.. sounds like such a plan!!

So why don’t you tell me a little about what you have been upto this Christmas?

MWAH!

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Everyone please say hello to….

*FAT BASTARD

He is the newest member of my family.. SexyG bought him for me to play with.. I am loving the fact that I can organise my DATA all on one drive instead of splitting it between the 3×320GB’s and various other drives as I currently do.. I just wish I had TWO! I am running out of space again.. LOLOLOLOLOL!!

He has super cool features like the light in front that pulsates when I access him.. Nothing like a good pulsating light to excite me..

* Fat Bastard is a 1.5TB External Drive… He is is Hungry.. nom-nom-nom!!

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Saw this quiz on Angel blog and just really really felt the urge to do it.. look at what it said about me..

You’re The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy!

by Douglas Adams

Considered by many to be one of the funniest people around, you are
quite an entertainer. You’ve also traveled to the far reaches of what you deem possible,
often confused and unsure of yourself. Life continues to jostle you around like a marble,
but it’s shown you so much of the world that you don’t care. Wacky adventures continue to
lie ahead. Your favorite number is 42.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

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And to say it was wrong is an understatement!!

I was beside myself with laughing.. It was Slapstick if nothing else..

Have you seen it yet? Its not new I know but its one of those movies I keep saying I want to watch but I keep forgetting about..definitely not for kids… nope.

Adam Sandler sports a BULGE that he thrusts around like its a weapon.. and he offers a service at the salon called “Cut and Bang”.. Keeps wanting to get his “sticky on” and is indestructable to boot..

There is the scene where he tells the guy to look at his bulge and says “Its de biggest! Look! Look! … you know you want to Look!.. Look he likes it… Its de Biggest..”

The guy(a gaydude) looks and frowns and says“I have seen bigger..”

Zohan looks at him and says..” de Bush de Bush.. de bush is de Biggest!!”

Gay Dude says “Oh yeah, your right!”.. hysterical man.

Good for a laugh.. not so good to imitate..hahahahahaha!!

Go on.. go watch it.. you know you want to..

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Who’s the Ho now baby..

It is the stupid season upon us where we as adults are forced to hand over our extremely hard earned money in exchange for gifts to stick under a fake/dead xmas tree. And why do we do it? I mean really? I personally consider christmas time as family time.. and just want my family around me (the ones I like).. I no longer feel obligated to buy gifts for all the kids in the neighbourhood and I no longer feel obligated to spend my Christmas/Family day with people I dont like..

My Christmas/Family day tradition since I no longer care about bullshit is :-

I say a little prayer on christmas morning and wish Him(you know.. dude uptheres) Happy Birthday.. Then I will have my coffee while the family rip the giftwrap to shreds to see what their Momma/Santa had bought their unappreciative asses this year…

.. I follow this with the usual sending of the sms wishing all the rest of the social circle a happy drunken christmas (and to remind them how they forgot about me again)..

.. Then its lunch time and I will go to some energetic lengths to do a REAL nice lunch where we can all sit and eat till we pass out, with much cracker pulling and armpit fart games..

.. and of course then its nap time and do-whatever-you-want time..

I’m happy, kids are happy, and santa loves me, k?

And for those of my family-who-got-the-xmas-card-and-never-sent-one-back type people who are STRUGGLING to find a xmas gift for me because you read this post and feel bad for ignoring me for so long.. here it is..

• Carport - still need one.. the monkeys and mongoose are forming an alliance now…
• Bench/Patio set – I really want one.. i miss sitting on the stoep and drinking the java while watching the kids.. the plastic is kak and keeps wobbling..
• Jewellery – saw these awesome flower rings and loved them sooo much!! both are stunning and I think they would lovely on me
• Books – I want some books, love books.. in fact I am going to buy another bookshelf to fit in more books.. Terry Pratchett, Stephen King, Dean Koontz, etc.. But If there is one on my mind right now it is the MUSHY PEAS ON TOAST book..
• Dual DVD Car Player – For me to watch the dvd’s in the car..
• Seagate 1.5TB external Drive - can you say 4 platters?  ~updated~
• New A4 pageaday Diary – Must be pretty and pink and fabulous and so on.. ~updated~

ok.. there is more but that should keep you busy for now..

But before I go.. I have a question for you..

How do you normally spend your Christmas/Family day?

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HairyKnuckle … tries her hand at flirting but comes off like a pervert..

Let me tell you what I am going on about..

Saturday afternoon.. we had arranged to drop SexyG’s girls off as they had been with us for just over a week now and HairyKnuckle missed them and wanted them back.

This is fine, so we planned to do some Xmas shopping afterwards(yes, we havent bought anything yet) at the Pav.. But man, it was a hot day Saturday! (Sunday was worse, mind you) and SexyG didn’t want to get his shirt all sweaty before we got to the Pav so he decided to go without a shirt until we got there..make sense? Good..

So there he is.. in all his gorgeousness .. only in shorts… sweat glistening from his oh-so-dem-yummy-guy-chest.. both of us trying our damnedest to stay cool (if I could have gone without a shirt, I probably would have ).. Not being successful with the keeping cool part because my car aircon doesn’t work for bizarre reasons… which made us yearn for the cool comfortableness of the shopping centre.

Anyway

We arrive at the *MacD’s with the girls.. we get out the car.. kissed and hugged the girls goodbye (MWAH-MWAH!!).. SexyG takes the girls bag out the boot and walks them over to the Hairyknuckles car.. and normally she just grunts and pops open the boot for him and drives off, dragging her knuckles behind her.. but this time.. omw.. this time she leans over.. opens the front passenger door and tells him to put the bag there, all the while CHECKING HIM OUT!!.. OMF, and when she tried to make smalltalk with him he promptly closed the door and walked away <– Kudo’s darling!

So here are reactions that I may or may not have had:-

Sophisticated Me: Oh Darling, best not get too close to that sort of behaviour, she is obviously beneath us!

Sweet Nice Me: Oh shame babe’s! You should walk past a few more times for her.. she probably hasn’t seen such nice eyecandy in awhile!

Trailer trash Me: FOR EFF’s SAKE! Listen here Biatch! Why don’t you just keep your effing eyes to yourself.. he isn’t your mancandy and you are so wayyyyy out of your league!! mumble grumble snarl and snort..

Reserved Me: uh huh..

Funny(not) Me: You are lucky you got away when you did.. She had that “OMG I want to dry hump him” look on her face.. I feared for your safety dontcha know?

I will let you all guess the correct reaction, ok?

In the meantime I have instructed SexyG that he is not allowed to go shirtless around the pervert anymore and MOST def never to wear his **lycra’s around her either.. I mean, if him shirtless gets her to practically dry hump him I fear for his safety if she sees him in lycra..

Just saying..

*We still do the dropoff and pick up at the MacD’s… go figure..

**SexyG is a MTB’r and when he wears the Lycra he is SMOKIN HOT! Best thing on three legs, I tell you…

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They say that if you allow someone to teach you something they will fall madly in love with you, or at the very least stalk you…

So if you read on you may learn a thing or two… And I may stalk you.. K?

I am going to share one of my many loves on this 3rd planet from the sun…

I am a Sci-Fi groupie..Yep, its true.. I may not speak Klingon but I can understand Maggog !

There have been soooooooo many fabulous Sci-Fi series in the past that I have enjoyed and often shed many tears when they ended..

So I am going to list a few Classics (old and New) that have moulded me into the geek I am today:-

SERIES

Buck Rogers -“William “Buck” Rogers, a US Air Force pilot who commands Ranger 3. Because of a freak combination of gases, he is frozen in space for 504 years and is revived in the 25th century. There, he learns that the Earth was united following a devastating nuclear war in 1988, and is now under the protection of the Earth Defense Forces, headquartered in New Chicago. The latest threat to Earth comes from the spaceborne armies of the planet Draconia, who are planning an invasion.” – Buck was the coolest ever!!!

V - I remember watching this OVER and OVER again.. It was a miniseries on tv and my dad taped it for us ( we had a VHS dontcha know?) .. They ate rats and there was this baby that was half alien which had a forked tongue!! Can you say Awesome!

Andromeda -Aaaah,, man did I love this show!! “Space is a dangerous place!” Brilliant! The maggog were ugly assed freaky shits though. If you watch it then you will actually watch as the budget improved over the seasons.. A must watch for EVERYONE! (Captain Hunt is also nice eyecandy for the ladies..)

Star Trek – Who does not know this? “I have given it all she’s got , Captain!” Man does this bring back memories! I had always thought though that Star Trek was a show that tried to show us that even though Captain Kirk and his team were from various planets, they embraced the differences and still kicked ass!!

X-Files - My mom loved this show.. she would threaten us with a wooden spoon if we made a noise while she was watching.. not that we did.. cos we were all HOOKED! I used to get irritated though with the jaded Scully..She was a whiny non believer.. but she eventually came to the party I thought towards the end..

Twilight Zone – “You’ve just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.” What an awesome mind bend! Loved it.. I couldnt get enough..

Outer Limits – “There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission.” WOW.. that statement got me everytime and then the house grew rootson the screen.. man was I addicted to this!

Firefly – More otherworldly eyecandy for the ladies (and some dudes).. Cap’n Mal Reynolds made me laugh sometimes in this show with his goofs and nearmisses.. but the story was captivating and loads of suspense and craziness.. I Must Watch FOR ALL!

Eureka – I am a sucker for intelligence.. I get hot reading a manual.. Eureka is a town for Einstein where anything is possible and nothing is impossible.. gets abit tiring when they try to bring emotions in but mostly I enjoy the gadgets..

Roswell – 4 teenagers who are aliens.. they have a mission.. they aren’t entirely sure what it is most of the time.. but when did teenagers ever do what they were told anyway?

JourneyMan - To wake up one day and find that you are jumping back and forth through time with no control of when and where.. and to make things super tough.. you cant go back to your time until you have done whatever the hell it is you are supposed to do.. My kinda kinky

Galactica (old) - I do not know where to begin.. this is one of the most retold story of the fight between the Android Cylons and Humans.. We have the Battlestar.. they dont care.. If you only watch one sci-fi.. let it be this..

Battlestar Galactica (new) - They’re Back! and more pissed off than ever!! Cylon toaster anyone?

Stargate SG1 -*MacGyver (aka Colonel Jack O’Neill) is back and he is sexier than ever jumping through the StarGate to other worlds where he defends the weak and fighting a parasitic race. The storyline is so intense and involved. This is one my alltime favourites..

Stargate Atlantis - A spin off of the SG1 team but this revolves around the dicovery of atlantis and everything that goes with it.. Brilliant.. I am a groupie!

Fringe -It brings the unimaginable into our world.. Imagine being able to record the last thoughts of a dead person as if it was a harddrive? Imagine being able to grow a human in just a few hours? I have just started watching this and I am totally impressed.. cant wait to see where this goes..

4400 – So what if all those people who have mysteriously dissappeared just suddenly get beamed down and say hi? What if they all came back with powers? What if they could give you a power? What if by trying to gain a power there is a 50% chance you may die, would you still want it? I want a power too.. just saying.. will wait till they have tested it more though ..

…OMW!!  I just realised I could go on all day and I haven’t even started on the Movies.. But I need to get back to work so I will have to leave it there for now and continue with this another day..

I will leave you with this one question though..

“Are you a Sci-Fi fan?’“

*he will always be MacGyver to me..

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Things I have been up to lately…

(in no particular order)

1. I did some soft porn pics with the BFF..
2. Played pool games and kicked ass with the Wazooka!!
3. Was defeated in a game of scrabble..
4. Got sunburnt watching SexyG working on the truck..
5. Had a fabulous braai with the kids (all 5 of them)..
6. Been working on my Christmas list and decided I am only buying for our children (my bankbalance is now pleased)..
7. Had some great nookie whenever I got the chance and the kids were out of earshot..
8. Managed to put some feelings into perspective..
9. Wore my new GORGEOUS High Heels..
10. Thought I heard my mom talking to me in the kitchen and almost answered her..but even though I was kinda sad when I realised it wasn’t true.. I smiled because I knew she was in my heart..
11. Fell asleep from pure exhaustion last night with wet hair after I had just had a the shower ..
12. Had a telkom guy cry on the phone because no-one understands him..
13. Got woken up at 6am with an sms from a client asking me to check his account…

And that’s just what i can remember..

So what have you been upto lately?

And just to drive yall all mad I am going to TAG (yes you read right!) some peeps and hear what they been doing..

No rules.. just do and let me know when its done..k?

Angel, Goblin, ExpensiveMistakes&CheapThrills, Glugster, Nocturnal Wench, Buffy and JustBcoz..

.. Love me yet?

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