Hope you have a smashingly orgasmicly fabulously eventfull weekend!!!

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With trepidation I entered the gym this morning.. why?.. the airconditioning has been off for over a month due to renovations and upgrades and all sorts goings on there..

So in I step.. welcomed by the cool breeze of the aircon and sighed with relief. This is wonderful and means I will not overheat on the treadmill, ecstatic me goes over to swipe my card while I growl at the nauseating effervescence of the welcoming committee.. And then I see the sign..

The Gym will be closed on Friday because they are replacing ALL CARDIO equipment!! Demmit I just made huge resolutions to exercise my posterior and now they close the doors shortly after I return.. bummer!

And the realisation is slow but swift.. my treadmill.. I will have to say goodbye to the trusty steed and try and adjust to the sleekness of a newfangled rollerroad..

How will I cope? Will I feel like I’m cheating when I feel the beast beneath me respond faster/better/smoother/quieter?

I used my favourite treadmill today.. gave it a gentle squeeze and bid it farewell..

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I have just looked at my To-Do list for tomorrow and it scares me!

I am very happy for the work.. Work = money = shopping = smiles! So I am very busy smiling right now! <-Cool logic hey?

But I just wanted to show everyone this awesome new product on the market..

-You may need to click to enlarge .. (the pic..not the the toe)

Like the slogan says

” If there is someone you want to get to know, show them the Toe!”

And if you buy one within the next hour… you will get a free *”Velcro Mullet” thrown in!!! Woohooo!!

So what are you waiting for?? Go get your cup today!!!

*while stocks last

Worn at your own risk, CTC are not liable for any unwanted dryhumping or stalking that may be incurred..

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Monday snuck up behind me and kicked me outta bed!

I am actually really really busy at the moment and really shouldn’t be blogging.. but I cant resist..

So this is going to be a bulleted fact sheet.. well sort of.. :-

• I am sunburnt at the moment – in fact its a flippen *vaalie tan! THE HORROR!
• SexyG did really good at his MTB event on Sunday..
• Am really pleased with all the new work that has been streaming in lately.. Just wish it didn’t mean I must work harder..
• The mongoose are still shagging morning noon and night..
• I am going to start going to gym and plan some intense fornicating with the treadmill starting Wednesday..
• I got bubblegum stuck to my jeans on Saturday night when i took the kids to Spur.. Aaargh i hope the person who stuck it there gets a cramp up the wazoo..
• I met the most Awesome SUE, the Gorgeous SHEENA, the Fabulous CATH, The Most interesting Vincent with his stunning fiance Talitha plus a few others on Saturday at Taco Zulu.. I must say I was hectically nervous because its difficult knowing what to say.. and I am unbelievably shy in the “REAL WORLD”.. Hope they didn’t notice..
• I got a Fabulously Unexpectant “blow my hair back and spank my armpits” belated birthday pressie from Sue.. Oh thank you, thank you, thank you times 4 million!! You made me a very happy girl with your generosity  ..
• My kids are attempting to drive me drink with their demands lately..
• I miss QueenG..
• I want to plan a holiday and just go away for a few days .. soon.. in fact this is urgent already..

Ok.. that’s all for now.. I just need to survive the chaos of the day…

* a vaalie tan is from wearing a t-shirt and getting burnt.. normally happens to Vaalies..Well mostly..

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This is now the second day running that I have been awakened soooo rudely by the anguished shrill screams from outside..

The sound is soo sharp and panicked that I almost jump out of bed in fear for my life!

The first time however that I saw what the sound was, I had a near ass collapse from laughter.. that was until I gave it some real thought and concern set in..

Would you believe that Mongoose are rapists? .. yes go back.. reread that, I’ll wait.. i cant believe it either!!

But it is the truth.. For the past few days I have been a witness to several of these “rapes”.. and it is not a pretty sight! Just this morning there were 5 males making a female scream like a banshee outside my window..

I seriously don’t think these were screams of joy either.. Those were screams of panic and angst..with no giggles, tickles or “who’s your daddy’s” to temper it.

Its the craziest thing.. what do I do? Do I go out there and throw them condoms and shout “Keep it safe!” OR do I go out there with a broom and shoe them like flies?

And how does one really explain to the kiddies as to why that girly mongoose is screaming for her life with the boy mongoose pinning her to the ground having his way?

Its crazy.. I am beginning to think that all males of all different species are one track minded. Would be nice if some of the dudes around here thought of wooing their targets more though…

.. just a thought.

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Dear Mom,
It’s been exactly a year since I last saw you..held your hand and gave you a hug..Its been a year since you left me on my own..

I think about you almost every morning when I wake up.. You can’t believe how much I still miss you! It is ridiculous that I am unable to accept the fact that you are actually gone.. And the tears still flow at the craziest moments..I am trying really hard to be strong for my boys and not show just how broken I am ..I don’t think its working.. They can see the cracks on my heart which were left there as a constant reminder of that fateful morning in November last year when I got the call that you had gone to see dad..

Alot has happened in this last year.. Justin is doing brilliantly in his first year of high school. As you know being ADHD has been very hard for him and with the Divorce a few years ago I was very concerned that his schooling would be affected..but he is shining brighter than ever..He even managed to get into the A class in Grade 8..and being in the A class was a huge achievement for him and you would be so damn proud of him. I tell him that almost all the time and this makes him smile and just about pop out his skin with joy.. Such a sweety.. Daniel is as always just super bright, Captain of the chess team and trying his hand at the tough boys sports, cricket and rugby.. He really is such an easy kid.. does what he is told and so sensitive to his environment. He always looks at your photo that is prominently next to my chair in the lounge and says how pretty you are and misses your hugs more than anything..

I am still living with SexyG.. He is still so damn gorgeous and think I fall in love with him over and over again every day.. Didn’t think I would ever have that with anyone but it would appear that fairytales do exist after all! Now if only I can get rid of some of the Hairy trolls and The evil witch we should be able to get our Happily Ever After..

I am abit worried about Paddy..He’s business isn’t doing so well and I try and give him advice but you know him.. he lets the parents get away with not paying him and he just shrugs and believes that things will be ok.. I wish I could help him more but its hard because I am only his little sister and can’t really boss him around , you know? You should be here to talk to him..He would listen to you..

Why did you have to leave us? Why? I keep thinking that I should’ve done more.. Why didn’t I do more? Get you to a better hospital.. Stay with you that night even though the nurses chased me away..I keep thinking of how alone you must’ve been and can only hope that Dad held you close to him in those last few minutes..Held you real close and whispered in your ear “It’s ok Hannie..my love.. I have been waiting for you, hold my hand..our journey is not yet finished..” I just know that you are being cared for amongst angels..

But Its been so very hard for us.. we depended on your love and support.. You made me laugh.. You made me cry.. But mostly you made me..

I would do ANYTHING to have you come back right now..To tell you one last time how much I love you and how much you mean to me.. hold you tight and never let go..please mommy..please… my heart is still so sore.. make this hurt less.. help me move on.. I am broken…so very broken right now..

I have my angry moments.. when I am angry with you and dad for leaving me..

How could you leave us? How could you leave me? Why did God take you away from me? I wasn’t ready.. I still have such a need for your love, hugs and kisses..

I hate this motherfucking reality! I hate it , hate it, hate it!!

I want to snap my fingers and change the outcome of some events that I didn’t choose.

Snap.. I want my mom back..
Snap.. I want my family to phone me..
Snap.. I want the fukken lotto to choose my numbers..
Snap.. I don’t really care about the others..I just REALLY want my mom back…

First Dad left us.. then you.. I am 34 and it just isnt FAIR dammit! I am too damn young to be an orphan.. who do I talk to about things now? When Arsefuk is going off on a tangent trying to have me arrested at every turn..When Hairy Knuckle is trying to cause unrest in my life..When I have to deal with nasty horrible people who say stupid things and talk through their asses.. who do I turn to now? You were always there and listened at me vent and gave me advice when I needed it.. So what do I do now? I have no-one.. I am alone in a world of uncertainty and dont know which way to turn.. I am tired of being a grown up.. make it stop mommy.. make it all stop.. It isnt fun anymore and I am tired now..

Too tired to fight with stupid people.. just tired of being grownup.. I want you to tell everyone to leave me alone.. See how I still need you? This is why you should never have left me..

*sigh*

I suppose I just wanted to tell you how losing you has impacted my life.. and I wanted to tell you how much I love you..

All my LOVE.. All of it.. yesterday.. today and forever..

Your Baby Girl,

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Bloody hell and jingle balls!!

If I don’t want to sign my credit card.. then leave me the hell alone!!.. Isn’t it my problem? Not like your shop will reimburse me if it gets stolen or anything..Assholes!

Lets go back shall we..

I am happily trundling along. Tra-La-La-Di-Whoop-Di-Frikken-Whoop!

And finally take my purchases to the till.. Avoid the conveyer belt like the *plague.. and stood over the cashier handing over my goodies one by one like I always do.. I  almost always shop there.. They all know me..So as far as minions go.. they are allowed to make eye contact and even speak to me..

Then this stupid idiotic chick today decides she wont accept my damn debit card..because I wont sign it!

????????????

Whats the point? If I stand in front of her and sign the damn stupid thing then the signature portion of it is invalid surely? And If I don’t want to sign it, then that is MY RISK so bugger off and swipe the damn stupid thing already!

I was irritated.. as was the long queue now all glaring at me like I am the reason they have wait for the manager to get off his lazy butt and come to sort this idiotic woman out.. Which he didn’t!.. So I called another Who then also told me that I won’t be allowed safe passage with all my purchases unless I sign the Flippen Card..Now I am super annoyed and frustrated at not bringing enough signs for all of them.. Grab a pen made a HUGE X on the back of the card and said ” Swipe the damn thing or this gets unpleasant..”

So for now until further notice my signature is an X..

*Have you seen how nasty these things are?? OMW!! I vomited in my mouth a little bit the one day when I accidently happened on one that was opened for maintenance…

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Happy Days!!

Its all my own stupid fault of course.. I have this *old program I just wanted HAD to use… just for a day.. and my anti-bastard-virus deleted the keygen. This program is soooo old it doesn’t exist anymore.. so buying it is not even an option..Teere are newer version types.. but they don’t do what the old one did…

Soooooooooooooooooo

I googled it.. and clickity click.. I have porn – woman offering to massage my manhood and offers of the most amazing time and all the while leaving little viruses behind for me to play with later..

It really is my own fault.. But that’s Ok.. I understand this is all par for the course and therefore don’t do these things unarmed..

I am virus free again.. But I think next time.. To save myself from having flashing gauva’s and bouncy titties being forced on my while actually getting screwed via my backdoor so rudely.. I will just use someone else’s P.C.!!

Mwahahahahahaha!!

* its such a cool program.. The new stuff just doesn’t compare!

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Yes.. You heard it here first..

C-R-A-Z-Y !!!

So what is this crazy act on my part??

I have decided life is too short and I have too many people currently on my list that I am annoyed with for things that they have done or said or not done or.. never mind.. you understand?

Ssooooooooooo… I plan to……….

you ready for it?

I plan to forgive ONE lucky contestant.. for all their past bullshit and dastardly deeds!!

Ain’t that just a showstopper???

This should lighten my load as it were.. And I can concentrate on taking over the world again.

I have chosen *someone .. and she had better appreciate it or I am going to kick her ass!

——————————————–

On a more serious note, Forgiveness at times is important. I do not forgive people as easily as I should and I dont always accept an “I’m Sorry” either. But I am growing up now and being a grown up sometimes means seeing the truth for what it is. I am forgiving her for myself more than for her.

Is there someone in your life right now that you think you can find it in your heart to forgive?

* would rather not say who it is.. she may be reading this..

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Bushy Unruly Eyebrows?

To tame your eyebrows try spraying a toothbrush with a little hairspray and brush it onto the brows. The stickiness in the spray will help the hair stay in place. “

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