Its not real..Its not real..

I am a dreamer.. I almost always dream everynight.

Most of the times I dont really remember them straight off and will then remember glimpses of it during the day.. But sometimes..just sometimes.. I wake up still feeling the emotion that encapsulated the dream I was entangled in.

So for instance if it was about my teeth falling out (quite a regular) I wake up and rush to the basin with an overwhelming feeling of panic and fear… If It was about me walking on the beach nekkid I wake up clutching the sheets.. You with me so far?

Most of my dreams are not such nice ones though.. When I was a little girl I had recurring nightmares involving cannibals, amputations and being chased.. I dealt with it by studying the reality of cannibalism and trying to get over my fear of amputation.. Not a nice thing, I know.. Sorry if your abit freaked out.. But imagine how I felt! I was only 10 when this started happening.. this is no longer as prevalent and these things dont stress me out half as much as they used to.. But I am still very aware of the fallability of the human body.

But I digress, the reason I am sharing with you is because I am having more recurring dreams.. Of my mom in fact.. I still think about her all the time even though it is almost a year since she passed away. And now I am dreaming of her.. and in the dream she comes back to me and says she never died..she was just away on a trip or something, and that she is fine! Imagine that! Fine? damn man!! Anyway so I am still wrought with emotion and try desperately to tell her she needs to prepare herself as she is going to get ill and she isnt strong enough to survive it.. I try oh so hard to get her to eat right and exercise and all those things and she just poo-poo’s me and tell me she is fine.. I am helpless in trying to get her to see reason.. and then she gets sick again and dies.. again.. It is AWFUL!!

My mom .. not only dies in my dreams.. once.. but twice.. and then I wake up..with a sob caught in my throat.

So as you can imagine I wake up feeling sad and depressed and angry.. If I have learnt anything in this world , it is this…a persons subconscious can be very-very cruel..


For now I am just going to hope that this series of dreams end soon, and hopefully they will be replaced by ones of me going to a HealthSpa and getting all over body rubs, drinking wine and being fed grapes by Chuck Norris (yes, he apparently still wants me).!!!!