If I had a penis..

…hhmmmm

penis trick If I had a penis..

If I had a penis.. I would write my name in the dirt every chance I get..

If I had a penis.. I would never wear loose boxers because the thought of a dangly bits on my thighs offends me..

If I had a penis.. I would wax my tackle regularly.. No-one likes to go down on tumbleweed..

If I had a penis.. I would be hung like a horse.. this I know..

If I had a penis.. I wonder if I too would try sticking it in all sorts of things to see what happens??

If I had a penis.. I would miss my vagina..

If I had a penis.. I would show it to everyone who wanted to look..

If I had a penis.. I would talk to it every day to find out how it was hanging..

If I had a penis.. I would probably be such a slut..

If I had a penis.. I wouldn’t be phoning the girl in the morning.. she would be phoning me.. nonstop.. I’m that Good!

If I had a penis.. I would probably never get much done because I would be staring at it alot ..(wondering what happened to my vagina might be one reason)

If I had a penis.. Guys would hate me and probably order hits on me..

…now aren’t you glad I don’t have a penis?? icon wink If I had a penis.. icon wink If I had a penis..

b If I had a penis..

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Posted by Briget on Jul 18, 2008 in My Armpits | 22 comments

22 Comments

  1. Glugster
    Jul 18, 2008

    If you had a penis, you wouldn’t have PMS.

    BTW – Writing your name in the dirt with your penis is just plain gross, and uncomfortable. So I have been told…….. :)

  2. B
    Jul 18, 2008

    Glugster Glugster – I meant writing my name with pee.. not the putting of ones penis in the sand!! OUCH!!
    I think Angel needs to keep an eye on you.. what have you done?!?! Shock and horror..lol

  3. rexmanthe
    Jul 18, 2008

    If you had a penis, would you perform all these silly dick tricks ??

    http://bossmanthe.blogspot.com/2007/12/silly-book-dick-tricks.html

  4. Goblin
    Jul 18, 2008

    Would you put a grapefruit in the microwave and then try and stink your winky into it? Apparently it’s better and cheaper than a fleshlight.

    Yeah…I’m dirty…if I had a penis I would give me such a cock slap right now *cough* and then go to church and stuff

  5. B
    Jul 18, 2008

    OMG!!!

    I have to say there are a few I would probably try.. but the OLYMPIC TORCH will be one of those I will give a miss.. what about you rexmanthe?? how many have you tried??

    ;-)

  6. B
    Jul 18, 2008

    Goblin – Yeah, I saw it on 101 most embarrassing sexual acts, I wouldnt do it cause the guy burnt his penis raw.. MAN!.. the things guys do to their penises!! its a shocker.. But I am right with you with the “cock slap and then off to church”…:-P

  7. Guy McLaren
    Jul 18, 2008

    Mines bigger than yours and I would never try half those tricks.

  8. angel
    Jul 18, 2008

    mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa… i have honestly never thought about what i would do if i had a penis, and no worries- i’ll make sure the glugster doesn’t injure himself unnecessarily.

  9. DirtyLaundryDiva
    Jul 18, 2008

    *choke* Love the post topic, if I had a penis I would pee standing, everywhere! Ha. Oh and I am with you on the boxer thing, dangling bits are never a good thing- that is why I wear a bra!

  10. speakindoodles
    Jul 18, 2008

    also, going to the restroom is actually cool: http://www.textunli.com/2008/06/toilet-spies.html

  11. B
    Jul 19, 2008

    Guy Mclaren – Of course it is ;-)

    Angel – thanks.. I was worried.. :-)
    You never thought about having a penis??

    DirtyLaundryDiva – I think its guys who have small willies that wear boxers.. or else they would have bruised legs..

    speakindoodles – If I had a penis I would pee on the wall and teach them bitches…hahahahaha

  12. rexmanthe
    Jul 21, 2008

    Hey B,
    I am not admitting to how many of those I have tried! But the Olympic torch is gonna hurt!!!

    HAHAHAHHA!

  13. B
    Jul 21, 2008

    Rexmanthe – hmmmm.. you probably tried them all.. yes, I do think you did..lol

  14. stef
    Jul 22, 2008

    you would write your name in the dirt?? mwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahaa
    that’s just classic…

  15. Vendetta
    Jul 24, 2008

    LOL!!! hahahahaha Goblin, Glugster, wot would you do if you woke up and discovered you had a vagina? hehehe

  16. rexmanthe
    Jul 24, 2008

    Hi B,

    I haven’t tried them ALL. Just a select few. Do you want to know what time it is?? I have a nice watch :P

    By the way nice blog, I have become a regular reader!

  17. rexmanthe
    Jul 24, 2008

    If I had a vagina I would not leave the house :P

  18. B
    Jul 24, 2008

    Stef – I would take photos and show all my friends..;-)

    Vendetta – erm, lol..interesting point there.. so glugster what would you do if you had a vagina??

    Rexmanthe – put your watch away..lol…demmit.. a vagina would obviously be dangerously abused by you!

  19. Baby_bear
    Dec 16, 2009

    If I had a penis I would definitely enlarge it! LOL :) Ask any men you know – do you mind to have a bigger penis? What do you think they will answer? :)
    -.

  20. Katrina
    Dec 30, 2009

    I would push my boyfriend to his knees and test his sucking skills ;)

  21. Guy
    Feb 3, 2012

    You fallaciously insinuated that men with small willies wear boxers because they would bruise. It’s generally more about being squeezed into those tiny briefs.

  22. Guy
    Feb 3, 2012

    @Babybear I don’t want any more than I have. Its already more than a mouth full and this can be problematic with the gagging reflex and all.

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