Eina Arntie B…

I got an email today from a mate… who wants advice..

Lol!! Well I suppose I should don my Arntie B doekie on my head and throw some pearls of wisdom out there…

Dear Arntie B,

I need your help, please!!

Just when you think you have you life on track, someone comes along to derail you.

I sit here thinking “What the hekk am I thinking?”.

I contemplated doing something that went against every thing I believed in and stood for.

During the past few weeks I have thought of every cheesy cliche,as it sums up my life.

Every reaction has an equally opposite reaction.
I found something I wanted in the worst possible way, but I can’t and shouldn’t have it.

“Caught between a rock and a really hard place”

Its like been on diet and some one puts a piece of chocolate cake it front of you, and says dont eat it :-O … I know I cant and shouldn’t eat it..

How do I walk away fron something that will probably taste really good, but will be totally and utterly wrong?

Trapped Cheesy

Dear Trapped Cheesy,

You have come to the right place! Arntie B has many many years of experience in fighting the battle of the bulge… In fact my ass has sadly been a casualty of war many times… seriousssly doll!

As for that chocolate cake you desire so much, I think that you should place the cake on your desk and stare it down..Yes, you heard me…Stare it down! Tell the koek that you have had enough of its taunting and your ass no longer needs any more dimples, and once you have taken control of the koek using your amazing mind(yes, my liefie, You have an amazing mind) against the koek you will need to dispose of it in a ruff, tuff manner and gooi it recklessly at the first person who walks past.. nothing will make you feel better than seeing the surprise on their faces when you have lobbed them with a chokolate Gattaue.. Guaranteed!

I understand that the struggle is indeed a very hard one.. But you must remember that things acquired via improper means are very seldom worth it. It will only taste good for a few seconds before shooting straight to your bum and forming more dimples to scare the childrens with.. And we both know our childrens are very traumatised already, doll.. Shame man!

As for this hard place you speak of and being stuck there.. I think you should always look towards the light.. the light will guide you and envelope you with its soft cushy bosom! Buy a torch if you must..(I find the batteries are very useful)

To walk away from all the evil temptation of future yummy chocolate koek dripping with bar one and drizzled with caramel… oh hell.. you understand, ne? To walk away from all this badness you must always remember this…

One orgasmic moment on your lips.. always shoots straight to the hips… (then sets up camp, invites its mates, and will never leave)

Strekte Doll,

Arntie B

For those of you requiring some pearls of wisdom don’t feel embarrassed.. I can help you come to terms with many things, If you have a small penis(ask my ex husband), if you have funny things growing and cant understand(send pic),or if you are ugly and your mom agrees… speak to me.. I can make you feel better.. I know alles, Doll!