I fell off of my chair this morning.. My jaw dislocated.. Nobby has truly managed to shock me to the bone!

I read a comment he made on Bridget where he said “…Word Kaf…Nah just ain’t right comin from a wit ou!..”

OMW!

He appears to have cahoonies made of brass (aka brass balls)..

Thought he made abit of a clanging noise lately when he walked..hmm

The context of the text is important though and his context was defending me and my Brilliance.. Yes, I am a worthy individual and he knows this cos I tell him every dem day!

As for those individuals (you know who you are) who tolerate me to get in good with ol’ Nobby… I am’s watching you, chickypoo…

P.S. Check poll below..

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Once upon a time, 21 years ago in fact… Two preteen girls met in a parking lot of a block of flats… They hissed at each other.. made catty remarks.. there was even some shoe throwing involved.. But at the end of the day they became the Best of Friends!!

The story continues through the years where they both got married, both had kids, both got fat, got thin, got fat again… And both got divorced..

Their story is not a sad one.. In fact their story is a truly remarkable and interesting one. They both loved together, laughed together, drank together, partied hard together and cried together… But most of all and best of all stayed together!

Meet QueenG and B !

Both are very very different in oh, so many ways…

QueenG is the hot one with the big boobs, blonde hair and attitude..

Whereas B is the funny, nerdy, brunette with attitude…

Together the boys never stood a chance and they left them all lusting for more..

The story has not yet come to an end.. But has only just begun a new chapter… Oh, and they have decided to have a party.. Inviting only a few people who they know will bring them pressies… No point in wasting good booze…

So we will watch these two and see if they will eventually carry out their threat to take over the world.. One suburb at a time.. Leaving their footprints in the hearts of all they meet…

One thing is for sure, though.

B loves QueenG…. and QueenG mustn’t forget the vodka like last time!!

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Guys do get such a bad wrap don’t they?

A lot of it is their own fault though, mostly because of their own arrogance and stupidity they make themselves easy targets for women…

This is of course just a generalisation and does not in any way hold true for all men worldwide but I can safely say that the majority rules here..hmmm .. In fact if I were to to think of 20 guys I know only 2 don’t make the majority…so that is only 10% or 1 out of every ten..

So here are some things I know about men….

1. Men are sensitive in some very strange ways… If a guy goes to the fridge and he realises there is no more beer he will take it personally and get emotional
2. It takes 3 men to make popcorn.. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove
3. All men think they are nice guys.. Some of them are not.. Email me for a list of names
4. Men don’t maaind starting up a braai for a few tjops… There is an element of danger and it makes them feel “special”
5. Men don’t get cellulite… God must have been a man
6. They have an easier time buying swimming suits… They have two choices.. Nerdy or Not Nerdy (women have depressing and more depressing)
7. Men have higher body temperatures than us… I suggest you get a guy to share a bed with during winter.. They are like portable heaters that snore
8. If a man says, “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t, he didn’t forget…he didn’t lose your number…he didn’t die. He just didn’t want to call you
9. Men hate to lose. I once beat my boyfriend in a game of Bookworm. Afterwards I asked him, “Are we going to have sex again?” He said, “Yes, but not with each other.”
10. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you…I want to marry you…I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skid marks
11. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
12. Men don’t feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women’s dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
13. Men have a clear conscious because it is rarely used..
14. Men are like TV ads.. you cant believe a word they say and they only last 60 seconds

I like guys, They are funny and quirky and so confident in all they do and can be so damn charming and sweet when they want to be.

What would we as women have to complain about if there were no men in the world??

“My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.”

— Roseanne Barr

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OMW, I am so flippen happy-happy!!

My new theme…you like??

Look at all the pretty pink!! oooohhhhh…

Thank You Nobby!!! Thank you – Thank you !!

For those of you who are unaware Nobby does not like pink.. lol .. In fact working on my theme was a truly painful experience for him and he was often found screaming at his LCD and could only work on  it on 20 min stretches at a time.. Shame man.. He was unbelievably tortured by this!

So Thank You once again..

B

P.S. There is a poll at the bottom and feedback is always fabulous!!

P.P.S. this also means I no longer have to hump his leg…which is just as well cos it is helluva awkward when he is walking around….

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Mother-in-law (noun) -(muTH‘ir-in-lô)

Definition – husband’s mother, wife’s mother, mother by marriage, mater-in-law

Synonyms – snake plant, cruella de ville, the beast, busybody, tyrant, bloodsucker, satan’s spawn, boogeyman,

I was of the thought that the moment I got divorced I no longer would have to have any further dealings with the anomaly that spawned Arsef?k.. But this was not to be the case as it would appear once evil has you on its radar your life as you know it will forever be shrouded in darkness…

She from time to time will phone me and tell me that I need to be more considerate to arsf?k and his needs. WTF?

She feels that because I work from home and don’t have an official employer(aka eeking out a living the hard way) I can just take time off from work and carry the slack for her worthless son! I don’t think so!\

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I can’t believe that our government* decided that easter was falling during an inconvenient time so they promptly shifted it one month back! Ok, I can.. just wanted to appear shocked…
Whats next Christmas in November??

I told my boys because its a leap year the easter bunny only gives easter eggs to adults.. They weren’t happy… Now before you go all “shame man, cruel mother” on me, consider the facts…

1. they are 13 and 9 years old..

2. they pretend to believe in the easter bunny for the chocolate..

and if they can play this game why cant I play along?

B

*government – I have since been told that the government is working in conjunction with the moon phases and Equinox… I am not aware of how dangerous this Equinox is but proceed with caution when encountered..just to be safe.. Weather is kak here at the moment so I am going back to bed..

Over and Out!

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I know this is done to death but you must know this is all NEW to me!

We have been exposed to load shedding and its horrors for the first time ever!

On Monday we had no power between 12pm and 2.30pm.. Now at the time I thought they had just made a huge mistake and would soon see the error of their ways! So in all my knowingness ignored the looking at any schedules and other drab dull things and got on with things as usual..

Last night.. At approximately 4.45pm, I had just put “First Wave” on for D while I started preparing a simple yet delicious Chicken pasta.. J was in his room working on the 9 page assignment due the next day(left till last minute) and Sexy G was in the office working on a huge project and a problematic bit of code… You see where this is going yet?

So I reach out and grab the oven knob about to turn when I hear the power drain from the house and all electrical devices die.. There was a screech from the bedroom as realisation hits J that he might just have lost all his hard work, D looks at me and says, “why did you turn it off?”, and Sexy G appearing quite dormant as he walks up the stairs knowing that he is probably not going to get the project done before dinner…

I on the other hand, was definitely not impressed.. what the hell am I going to do with this bloody chicken now?

So Sexy G looks at the chicken, gets huge grin, and says, “Ok, I am going to make dinner for us!”. Bless him!, He really is the most shaggable sexy male in all the world!!!

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Arrgh!, The phone is ringing again.. I have a sinking suspicion who is on the other end and cringe inwardly at the thought.

I force a smile on my face and expel the greeting spiel, “Thank you for calling …….” blah blah blah.

I was right.. It was the venomous call from “Twiggy” I was expecting.. Her real name is obviously not “Twiggy” but we will call her that for now..

She was wanting to know what WE plan to do about her situation.. Her Situation being that she hasn’t paid her account but still wants us to restore her services… lol!

Well I said to her if she pays her account I will restore her services for her. She went on to inform me that she is selling her business and once it has been sold she will stop paying again even though the contract is in her name. Now ordinarily I would listen to the client and together we will come to an agreement to suit both parties.. But not this scathing harlot who tries to blame everyone but herself for her own incompetence/stupidity and expects EVERYTHING for free… The same woman who told me over the phone that I must play ball and not expect everything my way! Since when does wanting an overdue account to be settled by a client wanting everything my way? Bearing in mind we only suspended part of her services and still allow her access to some of her services.

She can kiss my gorgeous ass all week and I wont piss on her gums if her teeth were on fire! Who does she think she is shouting at me because she doesn’t want to pay for a service she still wants?

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Every guy’s dream come true… More camel toe than he can handle

Seriously though.. Even her lips look overweight!! (the other lips..lol…look higher!)

So after 8 weeks of Nazi workouts I can safely say that I still have lost 0kg’s and 8 weeks. But I will push on.. Just 4 weeks left to go.. Maybe on week 11, My fat will decide that enough is enough and bugger off!!

I live in hope.. although Nobby pointed out that this will probably never happen if I continue to munch on Niknaks and PS Bars.. I think he is just full of poo and needs to just finish my theme already and stop caterwauling about not having any time to do it..

If this 12 week thingy doesnt pan out I might have to hand over my goodies and try again.. I can however say that I did gain something from it.. I am now able to say that I have triceps.. seriously.. they complain all the time.. so I know they are there!

B

P.S. QG I think your blog is ABSOBLOODYLUTELY fantastic and look forward to reading it each morning.. MWAH!

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He was hospitalized once in the “psych ward” of Westville Hospital and there was OBVIOUSLY some mistake as he was released after only a week…

He says it was sleep therapy but I am not so sure. He has exhibited wild and crazy behaviour over the years which include stalking me and peering in my bedroom window every night for two months ….Needless to say I was terrified when I found out!

Then there was the time he gave himself a nickname and said things like “I am Jammo, the magic man!” or ” Woman throw themselves at me…” He is obviously delusional and I think he has gone off his meds again..

He really is such a useless wally!! He is now telling me that having the kids for the holidays are currently an inconvenience for him and would prefer the July holidays instead.. No consideration for my plans and the fact that the court clearly stipulates which holidays etc so that things can be planned.. And its not like I send them there for the entire holidays either.. Wouldn’t do that to my pumpkins.. But he says that he has them for far too many days anyway!

OMG!!

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