Babies are not Bandaids

Babies are not Bandaids

~~~ There are two men in my life whom I will remind often how they came from mommies vagina. The fact that I had C sections with both of them is not the point…. My boys  drive me crazy, they are insensitive idiots when they want to be, drive me fucken insane, the reason mommy drinks, and most of all, they are my reason for living, the sunshine in my day and I love them with all my heart and soul. It is important that I mention that I am no longer married to their father, with their dad winning asshole of the year for the last 40 years or so.. I felt it difficult to stay and remain intact. How I made it through in the beginning is a mystery to me. A lot of it was done with the help of my Mom. She was my sounding board for the really tough times. Even though...

Santa Shoebox Project 2014

Santa Shoebox Project 2014

~~~ When I was little, about 5 years old, Christmas was held on the rooftop of Flamingo Court with all the other underprivileged kids of the building. I was one of them. We were blessed by a local church outreach program and they handed out a pressie for each and every one of us. I treasured my Teddy with all my heart and soul for many many years, until it fell apart from all the love. I am not sure what happened to put us in that position all those years ago, because shortly afterwards we moved to a lovely house with dogs and a fence and and and. I am the youngest of too many kids and in hindsight  I think my parents were probably going through some tough times for a period back then. Here I am today, and that moment of kindness has stuck with me. So last year...

Dragged out …

Dragged out …

~~~ It is has been a very trying period for me. The past few weeks have had me questioning life, faith, humanity and most of all people. People are the biggest disappointment ever. This is not news to you, I am sure. But even I could not slap on a smile to hide my true feelings of distaste, annoyance and plain disgust for it all. It was no ONE thing, In all honesty, I cannot even begin to pinpoint the moment that made me so bitter,angry and retreat within myself, licking my wounds and refusing to engage. The change in me was so subtle, yet so swift. The dark cloud has been following me everywhere and when my body succumbed to the flu a week ago, I dare say it did it with open arms because at least there was an excuse for not being forced outside. But it is time...

Fell off the bed…

Fell off the bed…

~~~ ..bumped my head, and couldn’t get up in the morning. Wondering about like a lost fart, unsure of my connections to people, places and life <- This is me, right now. and that’s not all folks, I am doing stupid shit, saying stupid shit and even thinking about stupid shit.. all while not sleeping proper and craving chocolate. Had a most unusual outburst at the GP yesterday while my son was getting checked out. GP asked how everything is.. you know, being polite. Obviously I am forced to say something retarded back at him. …I did not disappoint. I start laughing and said ” Besides the fact that I hate waking up and sometimes wish for death, all is good” Now WTF possessed me to say this? To a random question, in front of my son...

Samsung Microwave Review – #MissionSamsung

Samsung Microwave Review – #MissionSamsung

~~~ Mission Report Over the past few weeks, I have put the Samsung Microwave Smart Oven through a serious of tests, over and above the challenges given to me and the results were exceptionally pleasing. The first challenge put to me by Samsung, was the Pizza Challenge. This was a HUGE hit by the menfolk, who absolutely loved the pizza. They were very impressed by how crispy the crust was. Crispy Crusty Pizza is not what you normally expect when cooking in a microwave. Of course, I enjoyed trying the auto fermentation feature when making the dough, having never made pizza dough before, the Auto Fermentation feature halved the prescribed resting time. This time saving feature is very important when confronted with hungry wolves, of course. . The second challenge...

Turds a Twitter…

Turds a Twitter…

~~~ So I woke up angry, annoyed because I am angry and pissed off in general. I am trying with much might not to feel this way, I am evolved and all. I walk on two legs and am not sliding on my belly hissing at passersby. I am all grown up and above the bullshit!!! But this just rubbed me the wrong way. Last night, we are all off to Gateway, to pick up a few things and then watch a movie.  The drive is about 30minutes away. But it is cool, none of us mind..we are off to have fun. Fuck that shit, says the universe. Barely there 20 minutes and we are all evacuated to various parking lots. No reason given other than, just go. oooo kay! So there we are, randoms hovering by the doorway of Gateway, no one telling us anything, security talking amongst themselves,...

The Words…

The Words…

~~~ I Laugh, I Smile I Joke, there is Play But beneath it all.. .. is sadness. . Daring not to show itself, for fear of sympathy or the release of madness. . Often wishes for death will come, Days of anger, moments of tears, Never once able to voice any or even some of my fears. . Why do I feel this way? How can I smile to the world And yet not be brave enough.. ..to stay? . The nights are endlessly sleepless, Days are painfully long… . The sadness sits with me. Like an old uncomfortable friend, awkward conversation, the direction of which is difficult to bend. . So I laugh,I smile, I joke and play. I keep it to myself, what is there really to say? .   Share...